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The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Why Kids Can Learn 10x Faster Than We Think — Niels Hoven of Mentava (Tim Coaching Session) (#882) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Why Kids Can Learn 10x Faster Than We Think — Niels Hoven of Mentava (Tim Coaching Session) (#882) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Tales of Overcoming the Odds, and How to Turn Losses Into Wins — Tim McGraw, Terry Crews, Dax Shepard, and More (#881) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Tales of Overcoming The Odds, and How to Turn Losses Into Wins — Tim McGraw, Terry Crews, Dax Shepard, and More (#881) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (#880) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: How to Reinvent Yourself and Make Bold Moves — Decisive Stories from Matthew McConaughey, Steve Young, Samin Nosrat, and More (#879) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Reinvent Yourself and Make Bold Moves — Decisive Stories from Matthew McConaughey, Steve Young, Samin Nosrat, and More (#879) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: How to Start When You’re Stuck, Finish What You Begin, and Stop Waiting for Inspiration — Creative Advice from Elizabeth Gilbert, Seth Godin, Joyce Carol Oates, Anne Lamott, and More (#878) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Start When You're Stuck, Finish What You Begin, and Stop Waiting for Inspiration — Creative Advice from Elizabeth Gilbert, Seth Godin, Joyce Carol Oates, Anne Lamott, and More (#878) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Q&A with Tim — The Art of Male Friendship, Mini-Retirements, Higher-Resolution Living, Reinvention in The Age of AI, and More (#877) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Q&A with Tim — The Art of Male Friendship, Mini-Retirements, Higher-Resolution Living, Reinvention in The Age of AI, and More (#877) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Dr. Andrew Huberman — Peptides, Performance, and Protocols (#876) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Dr. Andrew Huberman — Peptides, Performance, and Protocols (#876) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Better Than Free: How To Differentiate In The Age Of AI - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: The Random Show — Tim and Kevin Talk Retreats, Mortality, AI Predictions, Supplements, Rock Climbing at (Almost) 50, and Not Waiting for “Someday” (#875) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Random Show — Tim and Kevin Talk Retreats, Mortality, AI Predictions, Supplements, Rock Climbing at (Almost) 50, and Not Waiting for “Someday” (#875) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Guy Oseary — The Legendary Hollywood Power Broker on 5-Minute Decisions, 36 Years of Managing Madonna, 26 IPOs, and Spotting Magic First (#874) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Guy Oseary — The Legendary Hollywood Power Broker on 5-Minute Decisions, 36 Years of Managing Madonna, 26 IPOs, and Spotting Magic First (#874) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: The “Divine Leaf” with 8,000+ Years of Use — Exploring the Many Benefits of Coca with Dr. Andrew Weil and Wade Davis (#871) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The “Divine Leaf” with 8,000+ Years of Use — Exploring the Many Benefits of Coca with Dr. Andrew Weil and Wade Davis (#871) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Sebastian Mallaby, Biographer of Demis Hassabis — Lessons from 100+ AI Insiders on The Race to Superintelligence, The Religion of AI, and Spotting Breakthroughs Early (#870) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Death by 1,000 Compromises: How to Tap Into Founder Mode - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Sebastian Mallaby, Biographer of Demis Hassabis — Lessons from 100+ AI Insiders on The Race to Superintelligence, The Religion of AI, and Spotting Breakthroughs Early (#870) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Has AI Already Killed How-To Nonfiction? Sales Trends, My Personal Data, and What It Might Mean for the Future - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Max Levchin, PayPal and Affirm — The Path from The Soviet Union to Building Multi-Billion Dollar Companies (Plus: Real-World Socialism vs. Capitalism) (#869) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Max Levchin, PayPal and Affirm — The Path from The Soviet Union to Building Multi-Billion Dollar Companies (Plus: Real-World Socialism vs. Capitalism) (#869) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Tim’s Founder Kitchen — From Brainstorm to the President’s Office in Two Months (Featuring Jake Becraft, Strand Therapeutics) (#868) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Tim’s Founder Kitchen — From Brainstorm to the President’s Office in Two Months (Featuring Jake Becraft, Strand Therapeutics) (#868) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss On The Importance of Desperate Customers - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Sami Inkinen of Virta Health — Reversing Type 2 Diabetes, Rowing 2,750 Miles, and Lessons from Fixing Metabolic Health in 100,000+ People (#866)
Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown,...
Tim Ferriss · 2026-08-20 · via The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

This special episode is devoted to one deceptively simple question: How do you stay close to your partner over time through the inevitable exhaustion, misunderstanding, conflict, disappointment, and change?

This episode is brought to you by:

Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love


Additional podcast platforms

Listen to this episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform.


Transcripts

Show Notes

Connect with Esther Perel:

Connect with Brené Brown:

Connect with Brad Feld:

Connect with Jim Dethmer:

Connect with Sheila Heen:

Connect with the legacy of Dr. Sue Johnson (RIP):

Connect with Terry Real:

Connect with Diana Chapman:

Recommended Reading, Listening, & Viewing

Books

People

Timestamps

  • [00:00:00] Intro from Tim.
  • [00:01:58] Esther Perel: Daily appreciation, letter-writing, and “ask, don’t complain” — plus Gottman’s Four Horsemen.
  • [00:08:21] Brené Brown: The 50/50 marriage myth, and why “family-focused” beats kid- or parent-focused.
  • [00:12:02] Brad Feld: “Life dinners” — running the marriage as a monthly retrospective and sprint plan.
  • [00:16:51] Jim Dethmer: Conscious candor — separating facts from stories, and revealing to be known, not right.
  • [00:23:04] Sheila Heen: Why difficult conversations are the relationship; using humor to name the dynamic.
  • [00:29:26] Dr. Sue Johnson: The “hold me tight” conversation — reaching from vulnerability past the demand-withdraw spiral.
  • [00:40:14] Terry Real: “Normal marital hatred,” the harmony-disharmony-repair rhythm, and repair as a one-way street.
  • [00:46:19] Diana Chapman: Repeatedly “killing off” the marriage to re-choose it, and calling forward the partner you want.

Quotes

“Don’t complain, ask. Behind every criticism, there’s often a wish.”

— Esther Perel

“Everyone says marriage should be 50/50. It’s the biggest crock of bullshit I’ve ever heard. It’s never 50/50. Ever. … A partnership works when you can carry their 20 or they can carry your 20. And that when you both just have 20, you have a plan where you don’t hurt each other.”

— Brené Brown

“Just naming the thing oftentimes gets rid of a lot of the anxiety. Just labeling it, just calling it out, and saying it out loud.”

— Brad Feld

“Before you start revealing, start listening.”

— Jim Dethmer

“We fight about how we fight. That’s the fight we usually have.”

— Sheila Heen

“What attachment science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. … In safe relationships, couples grow each other.”

— Dr. Sue Johnson

“The essential rhythm of all relationships is harmony, disharmony, and repair. Closeness, disruption, and a return to closeness.”

— Terry Real

“I believe that fear, when we’re present, is an intelligence that says, ‘Something needs to get learned.”

— Diana Chapman

Want to hear another episode with someone who thinks deeply about how we understand and relate to one another? Listen to my conversation with philosopher Alain de Botton, in which we discussed real-world versus academic philosophy, emotional intelligence, the underrated skill of listening, why “mean” is often simply “anxious,” status anxiety, practical pessimism, the value of rituals and tribes, “ordinary genius,” and much more.


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