More daters are now conducting “turbulence tests” on new partners, attempting to learn about their compatibility when it comes to navigating high-stress situations. Since traveling often triggers heightened anxiety or excitability, you can better understand how your partner operates under pressure.
“Modern dating has many different benchmarks for long-term relationships: becoming exclusive, using boyfriend/girlfriend labels, meeting the friends, meeting the family,” says Dr. Brittany Woolford, Licensed Psychologist and Co-founder of Authentic Connections Therapy and Wellness. “The turbulence test is another benchmark: It is testing how a couple does when they go on a long, extended trip.”
Wondering how you can conduct a turbulence test on your partner? Let’s dive in.
A turbulence test is essentially a form of compatibility test that helps you learn how your partner navigates stress. Traveling together is one of the best ways to run this test, as travel is considered a high-pressure situation.
“The turbulence test is helpful because it increases stressors and the likelihood that there might be a difficult conversation or an argument between you and your partner,” says Woolford. “It is important to learn how your partner handles stress and how they treat you when they are stressed.”
Turbulence tests are a great way to measure compatibility. However, you don’t necessarily want to book a long vacation with someone you just met on a dating app. Here’s how to safely approach turbulence tests in dating.
When traveling with a new partner, weekend road trips are certainly safer than cross-country vacations.
“It’s best to start out with a long weekend where you are just driving to your destination,” Woolford explains. “This has much lower stakes, and if things go wrong, the trip can end by turning the car around.”
However, you should delay even short trips with new dating prospects. For example, if you’ve only gone on a few dates with someone, you likely shouldn’t spend an entire weekend in a new destination together.
“I suggest waiting at least a month or more before you spend a long weekend together,” Woolford says. “Even if you’re driving and can turn the car around, you really want to make sure that someone you’re spending an extended amount of time with is someone you can trust.”
You should wait to schedule trips that require flying or traveling long distances, but don’t put it off entirely. Once you’re settled into a healthy and trusting relationship, one in which you feel comfortable and safe with the person, consider scheduling a long-distance trip. This could be across the country or a few states away.
“The airport brings a lot of anxiety for people, a lot of stressors, and a lot of times when you have to pivot your plans: when flights are delayed, when your Uber cancels, or when your hotel room reservation doesn’t get saved, etc.,” says Woolford.
Naturally, this will show you how your partner handles their own stress and your stress, should you feel anxious or on edge.
While traveling abroad will give you more insight into your partner’s traveling habits and emotional regulation skills, you’ll want to delay these trips until you really know the person.
“I would absolutely suggest waiting until you’re at least six months into a relationship before an abroad trip comes into play!” says Woolford. “The stakes and the stressors are so much higher in this. No one wants to spend a 10-hour flight home from Italy breaking up with your new partner!”
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