Why are we so uncomfortable talking about death when it’s the one thing every single one of us will face?

We plan weddings. We plan careers. We plan retirement.But when it comes to the end of our lives, most of us are completely unprepared… emotionally, practically, and spiritually.

And what if that avoidance is actually costing us something much bigger than we realize?

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I sit down with Alua Arthur, death doula, attorney turned activist, and New York Times bestselling author of Briefly Perfectly Human. Her life’s work is built on a powerful truth: when we are willing to look directly at death, everything about how we live begins to shift.

Alua didn’t arrive here in a straight line. After building a life that looked right on paper but felt misaligned inside, she found herself in a deep depression that forced her to stop. During that time, she took a trip to Cuba where a chance conversation on a bus with a woman facing terminal cancer changed everything. Talking about that woman’s death brought her back to her own life.

Today, as a death doula, Alua provides non-medical, deeply human support to people at the end of their lives and to those who love them. She helps people face their fears, make meaning, and create a more conscious, intentional relationship with dying.

But this conversation is not just about death. It’s about how grief itself is a kind of death.How loss reshapes us. And how, when we stop resisting what ends, we can begin to live more honestly, more fully, and more aligned with what actually matters.

We talk about what it means to accompany someone to the edge, and what that process asks of us as the ones still here.

This is one of those conversations that stays with you.

In this episode, we explore:

• What a death doula actually does and why this work matters
• The moment on a bus in Cuba that changed the trajectory of Alua’s life
• How facing death can bring clarity, meaning, and even freedom
• Why grief is its own kind of death and how it can transform you
• The difference between dying happening to you and dying as a conscious process
• What it really means to have a “good death”
• Why witnessing death can be both devastating and deeply clarifying
• How to support someone who is in the dying process
• Why so many people seem to die when loved ones step out of the room
• The emotional and spiritual impact of what is left unsaid
• What end-of-life planning actually includes (and why it matters now, not later)
• How thinking about death can radically change how you live

If this conversation moved you, pick up Alua’s book Briefly Perfectly Human, it’s part memoir, part manifesto, and a powerful reflection on what it means to be alive. You can find her death meditation series, Grace in Dying  at her website, Going with Grace, where you’ll also discover information on death doula trainings, retreats, and ways to engage more deeply with your own mortality. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn, and explore her offerings there. 

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. And if you’re looking for a place to connect with people who truly understand, the Grief Healing Collective is there for you. None of us were meant to carry this alone. Let’s cry out loud together.