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Arpit Bhayani

Temporal Primer - Building Long-Running Systems What Matters in Production RAG Structure of Every LLM Chat How LLMs Really Work Your Monolith Is Already A Distributed System Databases Were Not Designed For This BM25 JOIN Algorithms Venting at Work Comes at a Reputation Cost Why Half Your Skills Expire Every Few Years Multi-Paxos - Consensus in Distributed Databases MySQL Replication Internals Bloom Filters When You Increase Kafka Partitions Product Quantization The Q, K, V Matrices The Day I Accidentally Deleted Production How LLM Inference Works What are Blocking Queues and Why We Need Them Heartbeats in Distributed Systems How Writes Work in Apache Cassandra Redis Replication Internals How to Handle Arrogant Colleagues at Work How Does a CDN Handle Content Replication You Can't Fix Everything on Day One When Emotions Spill Over at Work Why gRPC Uses HTTP2 Meetings With No Agenda Are a Waste of Time Career Longevity Beats Constant Job Hopping Stay Relevant at Higher Salary Levels
It's Not Enough to be Right; Learn to be Heard
Arpit Bhayani · 2025-05-12 · via Arpit Bhayani

Being right isn’t enough; you need to be heard.

Once you’re in the system and thinking deeply, you’ll start to notice inefficiencies and gaps. You might see decisions being made that feel wrong. But instead of putting your point across bluntly, it’s important to raise it thoughtfully.

What I’ve learned over the last decade is that tone often matters more than the content, at least at first. Challenge decisions, yes, but do it with kindness and clarity.

Don’t assume others missed something; assume they had different inputs. Frame your suggestions as additions, not corrections. It changes how they’re received.

When offering feedback or questioning a choice, be mild in tone but sharp in your reasoning. That sharpness must come from preparation; your suggestions should rest on data, not vibes. Here’s what “doing your homework” looks like:

  • understand the context and constraints
  • explore alternatives and their trade-offs
  • anticipate counter-arguments and prepare responses
  • cite metrics, issues, or past incidents
  • keep it brief but loaded with substance
  • state assumptions and ask clarifying questions
  • tie your suggestion back to team or product goals

This detailing builds trust. Over time, your feedback won’t just be heard, it’ll be sought. You’ll be known as someone who elevates discussions, not derails them.

The goal isn’t to “win” arguments; it’s to move the team forward, together.