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Arpit Bhayani

Temporal Primer - Building Long-Running Systems What Matters in Production RAG Structure of Every LLM Chat How LLMs Really Work Your Monolith Is Already A Distributed System Databases Were Not Designed For This BM25 JOIN Algorithms Venting at Work Comes at a Reputation Cost Why Half Your Skills Expire Every Few Years Multi-Paxos - Consensus in Distributed Databases MySQL Replication Internals Bloom Filters When You Increase Kafka Partitions Product Quantization The Q, K, V Matrices The Day I Accidentally Deleted Production How LLM Inference Works What are Blocking Queues and Why We Need Them Heartbeats in Distributed Systems How Writes Work in Apache Cassandra Redis Replication Internals How to Handle Arrogant Colleagues at Work How Does a CDN Handle Content Replication You Can't Fix Everything on Day One When Emotions Spill Over at Work Why gRPC Uses HTTP2 Meetings With No Agenda Are a Waste of Time Career Longevity Beats Constant Job Hopping Stay Relevant at Higher Salary Levels
Your Soft Skills Aren't Soft at All
Arpit Bhayani · 2025-03-24 · via Arpit Bhayani

Of course, soft skills matter, but which ones? In my opinion, every engineer should be better at these two: active listening and clear communication.

Listening isn’t just about hearing; it’s about being present processing information, and asking the right follow-up questions. Too often, we listen passively, just waiting for their turn to speak and sometimes even hoping that we need not speak at all :) Instead of listening passively, listen with intent.

Clear communication is all about conveying ideas, decisions, and information easily clearly, and unambiguously. Be concise, structured, and complete; and say just enough to get the point across without unnecessary fluff. Apply this for your meetings, slack messages, or even documentation.

One thing I proactively do is to observe and measure the number of clarifications asked in my communication. If there are too many such questions, then my message probably wasn’t as clear as I thought it was. I go back and iterate on it and ask myself

  • did I really listen?
  • did I really understand what I was talking about?
  • did I communicate it well?

This happened to me recently, so, coming from my personal experience :) I am a work in progress, and will always be :)