Ciara Miller is speaking out about her best friend Amanda Batula secretly dating her ex-boyfriend, West Wilson.

“It’s one thing to experience hurt behind closed doors,” the Summer House star tells Glamour. “To experience it so publicly is like another layer, and then to have to see what you thought was your life still play out in season 10. It’s a major mindfuck.”

Ciara also said that while she’s closer to Amanda, she and West had been working on their relationship: “I felt like we were actually starting to be friends again,” she said. “And we had had a lot of conversations about, ‘Okay, what do I need from you? What do you need from me? What are some of the boundaries that we want to keep in place? What’s going to make our friendship a lot easier?’ One of those [boundaries] was no more sleeping with people on Bravo. Obviously, now that’s out the window. At the end of the day, we were genuine friends, which I think was what made it so hurtful when everything kind of went south [following our breakup], and why I needed to take time after.”

That said, Ciara feels more betrayed by Amanda, explaining, “At the end of the day, a guy’s a guy. Whether or not West and I are working on a relationship, you just can’t put anything past a man. But I just never would think that it would come from someone like Amanda, who has been what has felt like in my circle and in my corner for so long. I think that’s the craziest part… I’ve fought with your own husband to advocate for you. I have championed you. I have tried to be there in different ways for you and help you and get you to see your value in yourself. And so to be disregarded in such a disrespectful way is....Honestly, it’s....I’m at a loss for words sometimes.”

Ciara also confirmed that her last conversation with Amanda was “minimal,” that she got less than 24 hours notice—in one case, just 45 minutes—on Amanda and West’s statement, and that “I read it with the rest of the world. There’s something about the lack of being able to say each other’s names in the statement that I found very telling, but I don’t know.”

As for those Bachelorette rumors? “Fuck no. I’m way too private.”

The Summer House reunion genuinely can’t come soon enough.