i’ve learned a bit of …. philosophy. well, yes…. philosophy. this word itself is used like a fraud to me. however, i’ve been grappling with questions that cut so deeply they feel almost self-destructive at times. i don’t know if i’m overly sentimental, or dramatic. does my life hold any true meaning? are all the suffering and pain worth to pay? is it really necessary to stick to the journey? is my mind far away from the reality?

well, at least, now i know they are metaphysical. of course, no great thinker can offer me an answer. yet certain ideas can serve as a helpful guide and a positive power.

existence precedes essence, sartre.
my life, in itself, carries no meaning–we are born without any purpose or predefined nature. i existfirst, as a becoming, an ing form, i making choices and performing actions at any time. though those actions, consequnesces unfold, and from those consquences, meaning arises. meaning is not something one receive, but something one create. you are shaped and defined though your actions

hell is others Sartre’s. we know that we are free to do anything, free to define ourself. but the point is the awareness that we know we are living in other people’s eyes. the constant judgments and staring from workplace, social media, relationships and friendships, you know you are observed and evaluated. you freedom and identity are always entangled with how others see you. it’s the existential dilemma, you are free, but the cage exists.

i would believe only in a god who could dance, nietzsche.
this is a poetic, sounds like emotional booster. it reminds me that my life have more, more than suffering and pain. i must cherish and embrace the present, to try harder and harder to celebrate the simple, fleeting moments that make existence meaningful