The following is a brief stray thought that has been winding around in my mind. I have to write it down and post it. It is a little confession of the recent disturbances rippling out from my head — the sudden proliferation of tech-related posts is not because I have more spare time, but because a new kind of restless driving force has pushed me forward.

I don’t know if it’s normal. I don’t know if it’s good for me. I’ll leave the right to judge to you, dear readers. Hopefully, you can decide whether one should pursue.

Magicks come with sacrifices. The usual sacrifice is time – you spent countless hours studying magicks and practicing them. Those who took particular interest would then lean into more arcane topics. Many of which would not make it alone as the texts grow more obscure and the rituals grow more lengthy and specific. Often, when the task went dire, one would pray to the deities of the craft. Usually, there will be two figures to respond: Turing and von Neumann.

Those who are gifted heard from both. Their hands guided and their visions firm. They find their way into the magicks like the wind drafting through the forest, natural and elegant.

Those who are not that favored by the magicks can only hear from one and have to pay more than those lucky few. The Turing's Troop often find themselves gradually losing grip with their identities, lost in layers of abstraction; the von Neumann's Knights would often suffer from hair loss and chronic pain due to weary computations. The two groups practice magicks well, albeit they specialize in only a single field.

And there are those who are forsaken. Many of them would wisely decide to do something else, and many do find their ways of life without conjuring magicks into their lives. But some are too stubborn to give up. They wanted to practice magicks, even if it would cost more than they could pay.

It's a path filled with rocks and thorns, but trek they will.

Burning midnight candles is just the norm in society; I don't see any issue with that. Maybe the leisures can also be optional – I can derive pleasure from learning how magicks work. Friends and family might be important, but I can just take care of those later. Does food and water really matter? I don't even feel like having any of those. “Insane” is a strong word to use, my dear, and I don’t think I’ve done anything that outrageous.

Too much was offered on the altar. They are barely a person by the late stage. The primal instinct drives them into what can only be described as a human-skinned beast, yearning for more magicks.

Disfigured, they can also practice magicks. Some of them can even outperform those who were answered.

Is it a price too much to pay? I don't know, but I do know there must be pride to take.

“So, you must have taken your share of the pride, then.” The man smirks at me.

“I was answered before! Otherwise, I won’t even think about magicks and whatnot. Besides, my hands were forced back then.”

“You don’t even have hands now, buddy.” He could barely hide the laughter. “It must have been quite difficult for you to type on the keyboard.”