10 万字了！

22年开始写博客，如今终于突破了 10 万字。

这是一个说大不大，说小不小的里程碑。10 万字，可能是一篇中篇小说的长度，是 30 多篇 3000 多字的随笔，是 50 多篇 2000 字的浅谈。

以前的我，过于年轻，对于创作，自己也没当回事。

这也许是来源于我小时候，爸爸妈妈对我创造力的某种否定吧。一句「没有艺术细胞」，破碎了还未开始的绘画之路，一句「五音不全、公鸭嗓」，让我至今都不敢自信地站在台上。

好在，写作上，他们是宽恕的。

当然，这条路也十分曲折。

这儿不适合花很多的篇幅详述社会的规训、自己的选择和血泪的教训。事实是，我也曾经不自信，认为自己的笔法很烂，很糟糕，可能永远无法写出像样的文字——毕竟走国际体制的我离开语文课已经很久了。

但是，在这里，我必须要感谢三个人。

第一，便是我的好朋友捷森，也是我现实中的朋友，最好的朋友之一。是他锲而不舍的，每天坚持记录和写作，为生活留痕的热情激发了我写作的欲望。

同时，也感谢好朋友小狼，我在博客旅途中认识的好友。他用真挚的文字和详实的记录，送给了我一份重新拿起笔的勇气。

最后，还要特别感谢白熊阿丸老师，用他深度的文字，教会了我如何表达自己丰富的内心世界。

没有你们三位，小站必定无法像如今一般，深度、自主且真实，而我也必然无法收获如今这番成就——虽然微不足道，虽然才刚刚开始。

本来后面还写了一些文字，但是因为状态属实不好，写得也确实构石，所以就不放上来了。

既然是浅谈，我就顺手放一篇之前写的 Free Writing 的节选部分吧，该文写于 2026.06.17，是我在文书营的那几天。

很喜欢书信。

刚刚了解了书信落款的一些小技巧。顺颂时祺，意为"顺便祝您时下吉祥安好"。与此类似的还有顺颂商祺、此致敬礼、顺颂 X 安等格式。

有意思的是，这几个字就能在书信末尾点明对对方的关怀。很多人把它当作固定格式——要么"祝好"，要么"此致敬礼"——但在文人墨客笔下，落款的祝福早已发展出了许多不同的形式，每一种都带着不同的温度和语境。

……

聊聊《壁花少年》，The Perks of Being a Wallflower。

这是一本书信体小说，讲述了主人公 Charlie 升入高中之后的点点滴滴。我还没有读完。虽说是书信体，但读起来和第一人称小说的感觉无异——像是所有第一人称小说一样，它让人很轻易地代入和感同身受。

真的，当我读到查理吸毒后的感受——那是一种未知的、莫名的体验，一种用某种方式帮助自己逃避的感觉。当他在信中描述一棵树变成了一条龙而又变回去时，你便能猜测出他食用了致幻剂类的毒品——前文早有暗示，后文也得到了印证。这种描述很震撼人心。

还有，当他在阅读那首诗的时候，我真的哭得好难过。

我看到了一个人从幼年、青年到壮年的成长，以及最后的结局——写下遗书，在自己的手腕上割了一刀，然后不再有走向厨房的能力。

这首诗很有力量。它分成了三个时间段，每个时间段用文字暗示出时间的流逝：第一段里，妹妹才刚刚出生；第二段里，妹妹已经戴上了眼镜。最开始两段打分的是老师，最后一段打分的是教授——从小学到高中，最后走到了大学。

诗里还有很多隐喻。比如承载诗歌的载体——从小学时那种孩子用的黄绿写字板，到初高中的正式笔记本，再到随手撕下的一张纸，以及最后，装酒瓶的棕色纸袋。

每一句话几乎都透着隐喻：诗歌的名字代表了一个人从《Chops》的天真，到《Autumn》的成熟，到开始思考《Innocence: A Question》，再到最后对自己人生的终极否定——《Absolutely Nothing》。

在这个最廉价的文字载体、装酒的纸袋子背面写完这首诗之后，他毅然决然地决定割腕。

他走到了洗手间，因为这样就不会弄脏地板，不会太过于打扰他人。连人生的最后时刻，都不愿意打扰别人。连人生的最后一首诗，都写在一个随手捡起的纸袋片上，而不是一张端庄的信纸上。

也许到了最后，写下《Absolutely Nothing》的他，不再愿意相信自己仍然有价值，仍然配得上一封体面的遗书。

他留下的，只是对于生活的绝望。

好喜欢这首诗，我想把它摘抄下来。有点负面，但是真的很真实，很打动人。

that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen----
—— The Poem, from The Perks of Being a Wallflower

这种书信体的有趣之处在于：日期可以割裂叙事，让事态自然发展。不需要像传统的第一人称小说一样事无巨细地交代或寥寥几笔带过，而是可以直接跳过，只需拨动时间的指针到那一天就好。想详写的时候多写，需要跳过的时候略过，还可以通过日期旁敲侧击地强调当天的重要性——旁敲侧击，是因为日期本是书信的必备格式，并非主题，但恰恰因此，它成了一个极好的补充信息。

AI 推荐这本书的时候跟我说，这是一本书信体小说，一个内向敏感的高中生写给匿名对象的信。关于友谊、爱、创伤、成长，也许几个小时就能读完，但后劲会很大。

我完全能感受到。作者用第一人称写出了 Charlie 心中的那一丝敏感。这是一个高敏的作者，或者说他最起码是一个可以深度共情高敏感者的人。因为没有复杂多样的内心世界和充分的共情能力，没有带着情感的思考和站在他人角度带着情感的思考，是写不出如此动人的文字的。

这本书高级的地方在于，它把情感表达得特别克制——没有夸张和张扬——同时还能将叙事融合得浑然天成。

总而言之，这是一本很好的书。

我把这首诗的全文摘抄下来吧。

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and thats what it was all about
his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts.
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny nails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it

once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of the new paint
and the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometime they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see santaclaus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and thats what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostles's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much make up
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because it was the thing to do
and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen----