Name: The psychic generation.

Age: You tell me.

Appearance: You tell me.

Look, this is going to get very boring very quickly … But you should be able to tell me. You are psychic, right?

Of course I’m not psychic. Nobody is psychic. Ah, now I understand the problem. You’re old.

Pardon? You’re old, and that’s why you’re not psychic. A third of gen Z is psychic.

That cannot be true. OK, fine. According to new research, 30% of gen Z believe they are psychic, which is the same thing.

It isn’t the same thing at all! Hey, don’t go round invalidating other people’s belief that they possess the power of extrasensory perception.

But this is such obvious nonsense. Tell that to the results of a recent Talker Research poll of 2,000 American adults. It found that, while 19% of Americans believed themselves to be “basically psychic”, that figure rises to 30% among gen Z respondents, who report having twice as many psychic moments (two a month) as boomers.

How psychic are we talking here? Communing with the dead? Not quite that extreme, no. But they do claim to be able to predict how situations will play out.

That isn’t psychic, that’s just basic pattern recognition. They’re also good at knowing when things feel a bit “off”.

Again, less psychic and more demonstrating a functioning sensitivity to nuance. Are any of the examples here really psychic? Oh yes, definitely. Other psychic tendencies reported include “sensing dishonesty”, “feeling just when to walk away” and having a “gut feeling” that something was going to happen.

I hate to say this, but these are all just examples of being aware of the world around you. What’s your explanation for this, then? That young people are surrounded by so much endless economic instability, climate anxiety and political volatility that they are soothed by anything that might give them the illusion of control?

You got it. I suppose next you’ll claim causality between this sort of woolly belief system and the rise of conspiracy theories that seek to undermine authoritative objective truth.

Correct again. I knew that would be the case! Despite your naysaying, I also happen to be a little bit psychic.

Go on then, if you’re so psychic what number am I thinking of? 12.

No. Three? 95? 2,043?

No. Sorry, I’m afraid that you are not psychic. See, I knew you were going to say that.

Do say: “I fundamentally do not subscribe to the modern resurgence in unscientific beliefs.”

Don’t say: “But then I would say that, I’m a Virgo.”