Internal noise in deep networks is usually inherited from heuristics such as dropout, hard masking, or additive perturbation. We ask two questions: what correlation geometry should internal noise have, and is the implemented perturbation compatible with the representations it acts on? We answer these questions through Variational Kernel Design (VKD), a framework in which a noise mechanism is specified by a law family, a correlation kernel, and an injection operator, and is derived from learning desiderata. In a solved spatial subfamily, a quadratic maximum-entropy principle over latent log-fields yields a Gaussian optimizer with precision given by the Dirichlet Laplacian, so the induced geometry is the Dirichlet Green kernel. Wick normalization then gives a canonical positive mean-one gate, Gaussian Chaos Noise (GCh). For the sample-wise gate used in practice, we prove exact Gaussian control of pairwise log-ratio deformation, margin-sensitive ranking stability, and an exact expected intrinsic roughness budget; hard binary masks instead induce singular or coherence-amplified distortions on positive coherent representations. On ImageNet and ImageNet-C, GCh consistently improves calibration and under shift also improves NLL at competitive accuracy.