Graph Neural Networks (GNNs) have been widely used for the representation learning of various structured graph data. While promising, most existing GNNs oversimplified the complexity and diversity of the edges in the graph, and thus inefficient to cope with ubiquitous heterogeneous graphs, which are typically in the form of multi-relational graph representations. In this paper, we propose RioGNN, a novel Reinforced, recursive and flexible neighborhood selection guided multi-relational Graph Neural Network architecture, to navigate complexity of neural network structures whilst maintaining relation-dependent representations. We first construct a multi-relational graph, according to the practical task, to reflect the heterogeneity of nodes, edges, attributes and labels. To avoid the embedding over-assimilation among different types of nodes, we employ a label-aware neural similarity measure to ascertain the most similar neighbors based on node attributes. A reinforced relation-aware neighbor selection mechanism is developed to choose the most similar neighbors of a targeting node within a relation before aggregating all neighborhood information from different relations to obtain the eventual node embedding. Particularly, to improve the efficiency of neighbor selecting, we propose a new recursive and scalable reinforcement learning framework with estimable depth and width for different scales of multi-relational graphs. RioGNN can learn more discriminative node embedding with enhanced explainability due to the recognition of individual importance of each relation via the filtering threshold mechanism. Comprehensive experiments on real-world graph data and practical tasks demonstrate the advancements of effectiveness, efficiency and the model explainability, as opposed to other comparative GNN models.