Distributed AI systems face critical memory management challenges across computation, communication, and deployment layers. RRAM based in memory computing suffers from scalability limitations due to device non idealities and fixed array sizes. Decentralized AI frameworks struggle with memory efficiency across NAT constrained networks due to static routing that ignores computational load. Multi agent deployment systems tightly couple application logic with execution environments, preventing adaptive memory optimization. These challenges stem from a fundamental lack of coordinated memory management across architectural layers. We introduce Self Evolving Distributed Memory Architecture for Scalable AI Systems, a three layer framework that unifies memory management across computation, communication, and deployment. Our approach features (1) memory guided matrix processing with dynamic partitioning based on device characteristics, (2) memory aware peer selection considering network topology and computational capacity, and (3) runtime adaptive deployment optimization through continuous reconfiguration. The framework maintains dual memory systems tracking both long term performance patterns and short term workload statistics. Experiments on COCO 2017, ImageNet, and SQuAD show that our method achieves 87.3 percent memory utilization efficiency and 142.5 operations per second compared to Ray Distributed at 72.1 percent and 98.7 operations per second, while reducing communication latency by 30.2 percent to 171.2 milliseconds and improving resource utilization to 82.7 percent. Our contributions include coordinated memory management across three architectural layers, workload adaptive resource allocation, and a dual memory architecture enabling dynamic system optimization.