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Comments for The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

Are You Hunting Antelope or Field Mice? - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Why Kids Can Learn 10x Faster Than We Think — Niels Hoven of Mentava (Tim Coaching Session) (#882) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss TOOLS OF TITANS - Sample Chapter and a Taste of Things to Come - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Build Popular Podcasts and Blogs (#296) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Lose 100 Pounds on The Slow-Carb Diet - Real Pics and Stories - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Finally Play the Guitar: 80/20 Guitar and Minimalist Music - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love (#880) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Live Like a Rock Star (or Tango Star) in Buenos Aires... - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Charles Poliquin on Strength Training, Shredding Body Fat, and Increasing Testosterone and Sex Drive (#91) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Reinvent Yourself and Make Bold Moves — Decisive Stories from Matthew McConaughey, Steve Young, Samin Nosrat, and More (#879) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss 11 Reasons Not to Become Famous (or "A Few Lessons Learned Since 2007") - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Hugh Jackman on Best Decisions, Daily Routines, The 85% Rule, Favorite Exercises, Mind Training, and Much More (#444) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Build a Large Audience From Scratch (And More) (#78) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: How to Start When You’re Stuck, Finish What You Begin, and Stop Waiting for Inspiration — Creative Advice from Elizabeth Gilbert, Seth Godin, Joyce Carol Oates, Anne Lamott, and More (#878) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Start When You're Stuck, Finish What You Begin, and Stop Waiting for Inspiration — Creative Advice from Elizabeth Gilbert, Seth Godin, Joyce Carol Oates, Anne Lamott, and More (#878) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Why You Need a "Deloading" Phase in Life - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss How to Create a Million-Dollar Business This Weekend (Examples: AppSumo, Mint, Chihuahuas) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss My Mental Health Routines and Tools (Includes Extensive Resources) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Q&A with Tim — The Art of Male Friendship, Mini-Retirements, Higher-Resolution Living, Reinvention in The Age of AI, and More (#877) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Dr. Tommy Wood — How to Future-Proof Your Brain from Dementia (#851) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss MY FIRST BOOK IN 7 YEARS (AND SOME BIG EXPERIMENTS) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Michael Schur, Creator of “The Good Place” — How SNL Trains Writers, His TV University at “The Office,” Lessons from Lorne Michaels, Wisdom from David Foster Wallace, and Exploring Moral Philosophy with “How to Be Perfect” (#565) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Dr. Andrew Huberman — Peptides, Performance, and Protocols (#876) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Better Than Free: How To Differentiate In The Age Of AI - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Random Show — Tim and Kevin Talk Retreats, Mortality, AI Predictions, Supplements, Rock Climbing at (Almost) 50, and Not Waiting for “Someday” (#875) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Meet "Scorpion," The Real-Life Santa Claus - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Philip Goff — Exploring Consciousness and Non-Ordinary Religion, Galileo's Error, Panpsychism, Heretical Ideas, and Therapeutic Belief (#805) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Guy Oseary — The Legendary Hollywood Power Broker on 5-Minute Decisions, 36 Years of Managing Madonna, 26 IPOs, and Spotting Magic First (#874) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss Guy Oseary — The Legendary Hollywood Power Broker on 5-Minute Decisions, 36 Years of Managing Madonna, 26 IPOs, and Spotting Magic First (#874) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss
Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown,...
Tim Ferriss · 2026-08-20 · via Comments for The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

This special episode is devoted to one deceptively simple question: How do you stay close to your partner over time through the inevitable exhaustion, misunderstanding, conflict, disappointment, and change?

This episode is brought to you by:

Relationship Tools That Work — Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Dr. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, and More on Conflict, Repair, and Lasting Love


Additional podcast platforms

Listen to this episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform.


Transcripts

Show Notes

Connect with Esther Perel:

Connect with Brené Brown:

Connect with Brad Feld:

Connect with Jim Dethmer:

Connect with Sheila Heen:

Connect with the legacy of Dr. Sue Johnson (RIP):

Connect with Terry Real:

Connect with Diana Chapman:

Recommended Reading, Listening, & Viewing

Books

People

Timestamps

  • [00:00:00] Intro from Tim.
  • [00:01:58] Esther Perel: Daily appreciation, letter-writing, and “ask, don’t complain” — plus Gottman’s Four Horsemen.
  • [00:08:21] Brené Brown: The 50/50 marriage myth, and why “family-focused” beats kid- or parent-focused.
  • [00:12:02] Brad Feld: “Life dinners” — running the marriage as a monthly retrospective and sprint plan.
  • [00:16:51] Jim Dethmer: Conscious candor — separating facts from stories, and revealing to be known, not right.
  • [00:23:04] Sheila Heen: Why difficult conversations are the relationship; using humor to name the dynamic.
  • [00:29:26] Dr. Sue Johnson: The “hold me tight” conversation — reaching from vulnerability past the demand-withdraw spiral.
  • [00:40:14] Terry Real: “Normal marital hatred,” the harmony-disharmony-repair rhythm, and repair as a one-way street.
  • [00:46:19] Diana Chapman: Repeatedly “killing off” the marriage to re-choose it, and calling forward the partner you want.

Quotes

“Don’t complain, ask. Behind every criticism, there’s often a wish.”

— Esther Perel

“Everyone says marriage should be 50/50. It’s the biggest crock of bullshit I’ve ever heard. It’s never 50/50. Ever. … A partnership works when you can carry their 20 or they can carry your 20. And that when you both just have 20, you have a plan where you don’t hurt each other.”

— Brené Brown

“Just naming the thing oftentimes gets rid of a lot of the anxiety. Just labeling it, just calling it out, and saying it out loud.”

— Brad Feld

“Before you start revealing, start listening.”

— Jim Dethmer

“We fight about how we fight. That’s the fight we usually have.”

— Sheila Heen

“What attachment science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. … In safe relationships, couples grow each other.”

— Dr. Sue Johnson

“The essential rhythm of all relationships is harmony, disharmony, and repair. Closeness, disruption, and a return to closeness.”

— Terry Real

“I believe that fear, when we’re present, is an intelligence that says, ‘Something needs to get learned.”

— Diana Chapman

Want to hear another episode with someone who thinks deeply about how we understand and relate to one another? Listen to my conversation with philosopher Alain de Botton, in which we discussed real-world versus academic philosophy, emotional intelligence, the underrated skill of listening, why “mean” is often simply “anxious,” status anxiety, practical pessimism, the value of rituals and tribes, “ordinary genius,” and much more.


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