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Kevin McKidd has been thinking about what his Grey’s Anatomy exit would look like for years. After 18 seasons playing Dr. Owen Hunt, he thought that, when the time came to leave ABC’s hit medical drama, his character would die.

“I’ve been thinking about my character’s exit for quite a few years. I’d been feeling like it was time for me to leave over the last couple of years, and not quite knowing how to do that,” he tells The Hollywood Reporter. “I’ve been noodling it in my head and wondering how it should be. And my concept for Owen’s exit from the show was that I always imagined he would die in some heroic fashion. That he would save somebody or save a bunch of people and lose his life.”

But that’s not how it went down. Instead, on the season 22 finale that aired on May 7, Owen and Dr. Teddy Altman (played by Kim Raver) walked away very much alive, and very much back together, as the reconciled coparents chose each other after Owen narrowly survived a bridge collapse and decided to follow Teddy to her new job in Paris.

McKidd and co-star Raver were told midseason that their characters would be departing the show in the finale, titled “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” due to a financial decision. Showrunner Meg Marinis previously opened up about the difficult conversation and “painful” loss of the two long-running actors. Now McKidd, who also directed his final episode (along with 49 total episodes), shares with THR why he came around to Owen’s happy ending as he reflects on two decades spent both starring on and directing Grey’s, reacts to the show’s decision and reveals if the door is open for a return.

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You are leaving Grey’s after 18 seasons… how are you doing?

It’s a good thing. Listen, all good things must come to an end, right?

I understand this decision was brought to you, and it wasn’t because you asked to leave the show. Showrunner Meg Marinis told me the conversation was a painful one. Can you talk to me about that moment when you found out?

I’ve been thinking about my character’s exit for quite a few years. I’ve been noodling it in my head and wondering how it should be. And my concept for Owen’s exit from the show was that I always imagined he would die in some heroic fashion. That he would save somebody or save a bunch of people and lose his life. And the reason I see that is because Owen came into the show as this traumatized, kind of broken person. He was basically a broken man. He had lost all his platoon in Iraq, and carried that wound.

So the thing I was most interested in finding out was, “Is he gonna die?” And Meg [Marinis] was very adamant. It took a minute for me to be convinced, because I really was attached to the idea that Owen should die in a heroic way. But Meg was like, ”Listen, there’s been quite a few exits of characters in the last few years of deaths.” She strongly felt that the fans didn’t really have the stomach for that again. It’s a lot of loss and a lot of grieving that fans have to go through when you lose character in that way. And also, it feels like the world is kind of a dark place and quite scary. So I think Meg made the absolute right decision.

She is such a brilliant showrunner. She felt that the story we tell is one of a new chapter, and of two people coming back together and turning the page and recommitting and reuniting and starting again and starting afresh. The more Meg told me about this idea of how they were going to wrap the characters up, it made much more sense. And I’m really proud of it. I’m really proud of the message we’re sending with Teddy and Owen walking off into their new chapter of life together, with Owen finally following her. It feels like Teddy has followed him a lot over the years. Finally, Owen’s evolution is that he realized it’s his turn to follow her and let her take the lead. That’s a big step forward for the character who’s sometimes been a little self-centered in the past.

Would you have continued in this role for another season, or more, if this hadn’t come up now?

My whole thing about this job that we do is that we’re not really in control of it. So I’ve been in a place of gratitude. I would say that since about season eight, I started to be in this place of gratitude going, “I don’t know how long this is gonna last, but I’ve never had a gig this long.” Most actors never get a gig this long. Most actors are living out of a suitcase and bouncing from one job to the next. Since then, I’ve just been in this place of gratitude. I’ve been there for quite a while.

I’d been kind of toying with the idea of [leaving]. I’d been feeling like it was time for me to leave over the last couple of years, and not quite knowing how to do that. Not knowing how to leave a place that’s become my family. As an immigrant, this fresh British actor in America, this show, quite literally, has given me a home. So that’s definitely hard to walk away from.

But the benefit is that I’m going to be back as a director on the show. So what’s weird about it is that it is a goodbye, but not really, because I’ll be back to direct the second episode next season [season 23].

Oh, so you’ve already booked your return to Grey’s to direct?

Debbie [Allen] usually directs the premiere. I think I’m doing the second episode. Her and Meg were both like, “We need you to come back to direct.” I think they trust my instincts as a director. Usually, I don’t direct finales, but Debbie was directing her very first Broadway play at that time, so she asked me at the beginning of the season, “Would you please direct the finale for me?” She trusts me to do that. And then when this news came down, I was like, “Wow, can I still do this?” Because it’s such a big episode. But I’m really glad I did. So, I’ll be back. She was like, “Please, please, please come back and do more episodes.” I was like, “Of course.” Why wouldn’t I?

So you didn’t know it would be your last episode when you signed on to direct the finale?

Right. I knew I was directing the finale from the first half of the season. It was definitely a big episode to direct, but I’m really proud of it. I think it’s turned out really well. I think it packs a pretty big emotional punch.

Did being behind the camera help take the emotion out of acting in your final episode?

Yeah, yeah. When you’re directing, especially on a network TV show, you prep the episode really intensely, and then you have to execute the plan. The last two days with that big bridge collapse sequence was this massive build. We finished all the work at Prospect Studios, so we were on location in this massive set with blue screens and a huge pit full of water, and this broken bridge and all these vehicles and massive infrastructures. The last few days were filming that.

I was in the water and smashing my way out of the car and swimming across, so it was really physically taxing. We had a 60-foot crane and underwater cameras. It was very logistically tough to execute. I remember on the last day, people started to show up and drive out to where we were shooting, which was really sweet. My kids were there, and Danielle [Savre, his wife] was there. So many of the cast came, and people gave me gifts and we made speeches.

Then that night, I had to get on a plane to Scotland, to go do this movie I’ve been working on. And it was when I got on the plane and opened up this box with all these letters and cards that people had written for me — because I worked with these people for 20 years — that it really hit me. I had this beautiful redeye flight from L.A. back to my homeland, to Scotland. I let it all finally wash over me because I wasn’t really able to feel it up until that point, since I was so focused on the work.

What was it like when you called “wrap” on the episode?

Kim had already wrapped. She finished the week before. So the very last thing was me drenched, soaking wet, covered in concrete and dust on the bridge, just kind of looking like shit! They brought cakes out and my gifts, which were my scrubs and lab coat and my stethoscope, which was very sweet, because I was going to swipe my stethoscope.

How emotional were you in that moment, realizing that was the end?

I wasn’t really emotional. I was just happy. I was relieved and happy I’d actually finished the day and we’d survived, and we’d gotten all the shots we planned to get. I always find when I go home to Scotland, that’s when I take stock. So that journey back to Scotland, on that plane ride that night, was really when I let myself feel things. That felt right. I was flying back home. I started as an actor in Scotland, so to be flying home that night as we wrapped felt really fitting.

When you imagine Teddy and Owen making their new life in Paris, what do you see?

I joked to Meg that I don’t think Owen’s going to like Paris. He’s a little rugged. I think he’s doing it for her. He loves her. He will grow to love it. He’ll probably struggle with learning the language at first, and he’ll be looking for McDonald’s on every street corner. He’s a typical American. He likes his things. But I think gradually and slowly, he’s going to fall in love with it because he loves her, and he’s committed to her and to making it work.

The door is open for you two to reappear, and Meg said she’d love to have you. Would you hope for a Teddy-Owen story down the line to bring you back for a visit?

Why not? I can see that happening. Maybe they’re on a sabbatical or coming home to see his mom. Who knows?

I spoke with Meg about budget cuts and strains in the industry, and how that led to this decision. When you think about how the business of television is changing, what do you think network TV will be like in the near future? What are your hopes or fears?

I don’t know. What I find funny is that we’ve been on the show so long that when the whole streaming bubble came about 10 years ago, all these mega big shows were being made and we were all sitting on Grey’s with a little bit of FOMO going, “Look at all these people doing these big fancy projects, and we’re here working away on Grey’s.” And it’s kind of ironic that Grey’s continues on and the streaming bubble kind of bursts. We’re this thing that keeps chugging along. I don’t think Grey’s is going to go anywhere anytime soon. It’s comfort food for the masses at this point, and a multigenerational one at that. I know the audience still has an appetite for it. I don’t see it going anywhere anytime soon.

Were the Owen and Teddy flashbacks a little gift to you and Kim?

As you know, it’s all a team sport. I gave my director’s cut to Meg. The problem when you have almost 20 years worth of footage and scenes is that it’s really hard to pick your favorite. I went back and watched so many old episodes and I loved watching them. It was very cathartic for me to go back and watch when Owen first arrived, and he’s all messed up with Christina [Yang], and when Teddy comes. There’s a lovely moment of Eric Dane in there, with Derek [Patrick Dempsey]. I think it’s really beautiful.

I remember when Jesse Williams left the show eight years ago. I directed his exit episode and I put this montage in of his greatest hits, and it’s become a signature on the show that when characters leave, they get their greatest hits montage. I think it really delivers an emotional punch that people are going to love. I hope Kim loves Teddy’s. We picked some really beautiful moments.

You are leading another show next, which seems like a darker turn.

Oh, yeah. It’s a dark, twisted psychological thriller that I’m really excited to play. He’s an auditor, but he has a deep, dark secret. It’s based on a novel called The Only Suspect. It’s really well written and the ensemble cast is fantastic. I start shooting next week. I just finished Highlander a few days ago in New York, and then I’m in London for the next few months shooting that, which I’m really excited about. I’m working on my English accent as we speak with the dialect coach.

Grey’s Anatomy has been renewed for season 23 and will return in the fall.