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The White House Correspondents Dinner is usually a lighthearted event in which the president of the United States takes a roasting and then gives one right back. But since the 47th POTUS has “the thinnest fat skin of any human being ever,” as Jimmy Kimmel put it on Thursday night, this weekend’s dinner — an awards show for the journalists who cover the White House, officially — will be as humorless as the fact that Donald Trump has the nuclear codes.

“So I thought, why not take a page from the Kid Rock alternative halftime show and do some of the jokes a comedian might do if our president wasn’t a trembling drama queen who’s scared of comedy?” Kimmel said to set up the skewering.

“Welcome to the 2026 White House Correspondents Dinner! Look at you all dressed up in formal wear — dresses, tuxedos — I haven’t seen this much black since every page of the Trump-Epstein Files,” said Kimmel, now in a tux top, to open his set. “We’re gonna have fun tonight, and I’m happy you decided to stay, Mr. President. And don’t worry, if we bruise your ego, it’ll only make your hands look less disgusting.”

The first lady Melania Trump got hers, too.

“Look at Melania, so beautiful,” Kimmel said. “Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.”

“As you’re all aware, Melania’s a movie star now. Her documentary has a score of 10 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a website named after her husband’s testicles,” Kimmel quipped. “I want to congratulate you, Madam First Lady, on your huge accomplishment: the world’s first motionless picture.

Kimmel came for VP Pence next.

“It’s hard to get JD to come to an event like this. He’s a real homebody. His wife had to peel him off the couch,” Kimmel joked. “That reminds me: please do not get up from your seats during the performance because the vice president will fuck them.”

Trump’s other cronies got cooked as well — Stephen Miller, Kash Patel, Pete Hegseth, RFK Jr., Brendan Carr — and so did his sons, Donald Jr. and Eric (“You look like an elbow with a face on it.”)

Watch the segment below; the real White House Correspondents Dinner takes place Saturday night.