I would never think of being the worst student in any classes, but it did happen. The more I study, the more headache I get. I do not understand the lecture contents, the discussions between the lecturer and other students, and even the description of assignments. I am sure I have finished all the pre-requisites for this class, I am sure I have spent more time than any other students in this class to finish each homework, but still, I cannot understand.

A student in this class, who was also my TA of the first course I took in ISU, told me that this class has become harder. He had taken this class previously with another professor, then that professor retired. A new professor is taking charge of this course; thus, he took it again, hoping to learn more about CPP.

I know that neither the professor nor I am to blame, but this terrible feeling exists throughout my Ph.D., especially after starting my STAT learning. I finally can understand one of my best friends from senior high school. He was smart and did well in College Entrance Examination(CEE); therefore, he went to NKU to study computer science for his bachelor’s degree. To my surprise, he didn’t do well at NKU and spent one more year getting his bachelor’s degree. When I first knew this, I admit that I thought he didn’t try his best or played so many computer games. He might, but he also told me there were four other guys in his dorm; two guys did CS competitions to get the admission ticket to NKU even without taking CEE; one guy was extremely clever and always got full marks in math-related courses. He seemed to be the only one who had no idea what computer science was before college life started.

People cannot step into the same river twice, people cannot ask for fairness even starting at the same starting line. However, I am still trying, I still will devote more time to this class even though I know I am the worse student. I still blame my friend cause I knew if I were in his shoes, I would at least graduate on time.