This paper considers a practical few-shot anomaly detection (FSAD) setting, termed discriminative FSAD, where a limited number of both normal and anomalous examples are available as references during inference. Existing FSAD methods rely on normal-only references through normality matching, ignoring the discriminative clues in anomalous references, while directly fitting both references can overfit to the seen anomalies. We introduce IDEAL, an intrinsic deviation learning framework that leverages both reference types to learn intrinsic deviation patterns characterizing generalizable abnormality as deviations from normality. IDEAL decomposes the learning process into two novel components: 1) a Normal Variation Eraser to suppress nuisance normal variations that may lead to noisy deviations from normality, thereby highlighting anomaly-relevant deviation representations; 2) an Intrinsic Deviation Encoder to decompose these denoised deviation representations into intrinsic deviation vectors capturing the most discriminative orthogonal deviation directions. At inference, IDEAL scores query-to-normal deviations preserved after projection onto the learned intrinsic deviation vectors, enabling generalization for both seen and unseen anomalies. Extensive experiments on eight real-world datasets show that IDEAL generalizes effectively to unseen anomalies and consistently outperforms existing state-of-the-art FSAD methods. Code and data will be available at \href{https://github.com/mala-lab/IDEAL}{https://github.com/mala-lab/IDEAL}.