If you're on the single side of TikTok right now, you know how brutal the dating landscape is — so much so that people use war-like euphemisms for it. 

"Being in the trenches" is code for being uncoupled and swiping. Meanwhile, "catching the last chopper out of 'nam" means that, like New York City mayor Zohran Mamdani, you did find love on The Apps™. It's hard out here, if the date recap videos have anything to say about it.

And yet, like Mamdani and NYC's first lady Rama Duwaji, there are those who made it out of the apps both alive, coupled up, and with their faith in love still intact.

Nearly a third of couples who were married in 2025 met on an app, according to an informal study by wedding planning website The Knot. It’s a stark difference from 1995, when just two percent of couples married after meeting online, according to a Stanford University report. 

By 2035, more couples will meet online than in person, and by 2037, half the babies born will likely have parents who met online, according to reports. Those who’ve made the leap to marriage after meeting online say the key to finding their match is moving at your own pace, freeing yourself from stigmas, and bringing your authentic self to your profile.

For those who found love in what so many believe is a (dare I say it) hopeless place, I'm curious: What's their secret? I myself was on dating apps for seven years, but ended up meeting my fiancée on then-Twitter of all places. I interviewed four couples who met on the apps to find out how they met amid ghosters, pen pals, and potential scammers we hear about on DatingTok, and eventually found their way down the aisle together. 

While their advice isn't limited to online dating, I did learn that every couple's story is unique, regardless of how they met.

Ashley and Matt

Movers Ashley and Matt, 37 and 42, met on OkCupid in 2011 and, "in true dating app fashion, we did not actually meet for another year," Ashley joked in an interview with Mashable. 

But before then, when they matched, Ashley thought Matt was attractive in his pictures and was drawn to his sense of humor. Matt, meanwhile, recalls being attracted to how she was dressed in one photo (but it was actually a costume for a friend's student film). He also liked that she was a native New Yorker and, at the time, writing every day. 

They messaged each other for a year, though, primarily on Google Chat. In 2012, Ashley spontaneously asked to meet up in Brooklyn, as she was going there for a show. 

"I was living in Manhattan at the time, and Matt was in Brooklyn," she explained. "So it was basically an ocean apart." 

While Ashley and Matt have been married since 2020, that first date didn't lead to fireworks. "I distinctly remember Matt 'raising the roof' at one point. I was, I don't know, 23, and something wasn't connecting." She figured that Matt was cute and fun, but they may not have been on the same page at that time.

While they didn't meet up in person again until much later, they kept messaging — on Google Chat, over email, sometimes even over the phone for hours. 

"It was never the right timing," said Matt (who didn’t quite remember the roof-raising). "Either we were in another relationship or it just wasn't right. But somehow the distance between us made our communication more intimate and honest, because we didn't have any mutual friends, we weren't in each other's lives."

Slow burn: From OKCupid to GChat 

Their chemistry built over time, usually over GChat and email, in sharp contrast to the "love at first sight" many dating app users seek. 

"We just had this chemistry and this unique relationship that developed in GChat," Matt said. While he was in his late 20s and early 30s, and in and out of different relationships, Ashley was always at the back of his mind.

As psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel noted in a blog about the myth of instant chemistry, "Attraction doesn't just happen — it grows in the space where curiosity and anticipation meet."

We tend to prefer people we’re more familiar with, according to decades-old behavioral science research. Singles looking for immediate sparks may be disappointed when they don’t find them, and may prematurely move on to try to find chemistry with someone else, instead of letting attraction grow over time. 

In 2018, Ashley and Matt started dating — for real, this time. Matt sent Ashley a Facebook message while she was in a relationship that she said was "past its expiration date." She decided she should catch up with Matt over the phone, and they ended up chatting for four hours. 

The two met for a drink shortly after that, moved in a year later, and married in 2020. Their original wedding was canceled due to COVID, but they wed in Brooklyn's Prospect Park, with a few friends officiating and witnessing. Their puppy, Suitcase, was there too, of course.

Ashley's thoughts for online daters? She said she doesn't think people should necessarily put their all into trying to make it work with someone who's just not ready to be in a relationship, but in the transactional and quick nature of online dating, "maybe you are passing over people that you can have a connection with, just because it's so easy to do that."

Some other advice, which she admits she needs to take herself, is, "if you really want to find a connection, whatever kind of connection that is, it takes a certain level of commitment and vulnerability." 

Elizabeth and Joe

Social media manager Elizabeth and digital product designer Joe, 31 and 34 respectively, lived blocks from each other in Brooklyn when they met in 2020 — but they never crossed paths in person, at least not that they remember. They met each other on Hinge. 

"I set my radius to one mile," Elizabeth said. "I was not trying to get on the train or go anywhere." 

Joe was actually the first person that Elizabeth met on Hinge after a friend recommended she try it. She had been on dating apps casually since moving to New York in 2018. She thought his profile was funny and he seemed like her type in terms of fashion and music taste. Joe, meanwhile, liked Elizabeth's photos and a prompt that said, "We'll get along if you never grew out of your emo phase."

On the first date, Elizabeth liked Joe's tattoos and that he kept up the conversation. Joe thought Elizabeth was good-looking and had a good vibe. 

"Then we met and just hung out every day after that," Elizabeth joked. 

During their interview with Mashable, Elizabeth and Joe reminisced on grabbing "to-go drinks" together, a New York City phenomenon unique to COVID times.

Never would have met without Hinge

She thinks her relationship developed faster than it would've because of the pandemic and because they lived so close to each other. In 2020, that was a familiar story for new couples, many of whom were attached quickly. 

Elizabeth said her roots in the Midwest – where she said people are more inclined to look for a long-term partner as they hit their mid-20s – also played a role in the pairing. Hinge had (and still does have) a reputation for fostering serious relationships, whereas Tinder is often associated with more casual connections.

Joe tried Tinder before, and a previous iteration of Hinge years before he met Elizabeth (back when Hinge tried to connect "friends of friends"), but he didn't love the experience. 

Elizabeth is from Indiana, while Joe is from Massachusetts, and they believe they wouldn't have met if not for dating apps. Six years later, they’re married and have relocated to Los Angeles together. 

When Joe joined Hinge (a second time after not loving his first stint), he didn't set expectations, which is his advice for others. 

"A lot of people, in general, are very idealistic about what they're looking for," he said. "I just feel like that's a surefire way to be, like, disappointed."

Portia and Brian

Sex educator and content creator Portia, 34, matched with sales representative Brian, 37, on Tinder within a week of her moving to New York City in 2017.

"I remember his bio was something like, 'coffee and music,' just those two words, probably," she said. "And I was like, 'Cool'…I like those things, too." 

They started talking, and he was one of the few people Portia met who didn't want to be a pen pal — aka a dating app match who is stuck in messaging mode, never wanting to meet IRL.

Not Brian, though. He said they should go to dinner. 

"I could tell from her bio that she was super sweet," he said.

He was living in a basement studio apartment at the time. It was summer, he was out and about, and he said they had a really good time at dinner. Portia was going back and forth to Michigan, where she's from, but when she got back to the city, they became inseparable. 

Now, nine years later, Portia and Brian are engaged.

Getting over the Tinder stigma

But back when she was on Tinder, Portia was having fun and not taking it too seriously. She was looking for connections and trying to get to know New York City through her dates. But there was a stigma attached to it.

"I remember telling my brother that Brian and I met on Tinder, and he was like, 'What?' And mind you, this is my older brother, and I think he had a different impression of what Tinder was and what it was for," she said, as her brother thought of it as a "hookup app."

It's true that Tinder has that reputation, so much so that its CEO, Spencer Rascoff, announced last year that he wants to move the app away from this notoriety. 

"I did feel some occasional need to clarify what I was doing and why, and what my intentions were, and so sometimes there was, like, a kind of stigma to it, more so than anything, that maybe colored the way that I felt about being on the apps." 

While some people use dating apps compulsively, constantly swiping, Portia didn't feel that way. She was having a good time.

For Brian, joining Tinder was like joining Instagram for the first time, back when people didn't try to "game" it or use it to gain followers or make a living; they were just posting photos of their lives. Whereas there are forums and content creators today who claim to be able to "game" Tinder, back then, it seemed like people just wanted to use it to meet people. He felt a certain kind of stigma, too, though: that everyone was "supposed" to meet their partner in-person.

"But I wasn't the type of person usually where, if I was at a bar, I was gonna go try to talk to strangers," he said. "It just wasn't my personality." Apps were a more comfortable way to connect, but in the back of his mind, he thought people might judge him, he added.

Clearly, however, it worked for both of them. Not only have they been together for nine years, but they're also getting married this month. Letting go of the stigma and judgments and enjoying the experience helped, Portia said. 

"Particularly if you're under 35 and you're not actively looking for a partner, dating is primarily an opportunity for you to learn about yourself and grow," she said. "And if you get to have great sex, if you get taken on awesome dates, if you have these beautiful connections, all of that is a bonus."