The finance world exploded Wednesday over a story about an attractive female Manhattan bank executive accused of sexually harassing and assaulting a married male colleague.
I couldn't help but think of my own experiences with uber-aggressive lady bosses.
Lorna Hajdini, an executive director at JPMorgan Chase, was accused in a legal filing that named the complainant as 'John Doe'. He was later outed as Chirayu Rana. Rana worked with Hajdini on JPMorgan's leveraged buyout team, according to his lawsuit.
The typical finance bro chest-thumping memes came quickly. One showed a man whispering to JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon, saying: 'Sir, job applications are up 686,000 percent this morning.'
Ha, how droll, but alleged sexual assault isn't funny. If this happened at America's largest bank, it would be an historic scandal.
But let us be clear, JPMorgan refuted Rana's claims and said it has carried out an internal probe of the allegations. Rana, who has since left the mega bank for investment firm Bregal Sagemount, did not cooperate with the investigation, according to the bank.
'While numerous employees cooperated with the investigation, the complainant refused to participate and has declined to provide facts that would be central to support his allegations,' JPMorgan said in a statement.
Hajdini, too, strongly refuted Rana's claims, issuing a statement via her legal team: 'Lorna categorically denies the allegations. She never engaged in any inappropriate conduct with this individual of any kind and has never even been to the location where the alleged sexual assault supposedly took place.'
Lorna Hajdini, an executive director at JPMorgan Chase, was accused in a legal filing that named the complaint as 'John Doe'
Chirayu Rana (above) worked with Hajdini on JPMorgan's leveraged buyout team
Well, that's more than a little problematic! I was told by one finance executive who does business with every major bank in town that JPMorgan is the most reputable of the bunch.
People don't mess around there and Ms Hajdini is known as a 'closer' who is brought into advanced negotiations as the serious voice who buttons up massive deals and gets them across the finish line. My source said: 'There's no way a woman with her job and responsibilities would have time to engage in something like that.'
My personal experience makes me even more skeptical of the accusations.
Believe me, I've spent plenty of time around horny women, who have no problem going for theirs, but these cats-in-heat don't tend to be c-suiters armed with MBAs and big dreams.
They're basically hot girls who like attention.
One brazen lady I worked with years ago had so many photos of male genitalia on her phone she could've been mistaken for a urologist.
Apparently, she collected sugar-daddies like some women snap up Louis Vuitton bags and they showered her with all kinds of posh perks, including Amex black cards.
Some of the other catty women at work nicknamed her 'Seabiscuit' because they said she'd been ridden so many times. But this wasn't a high-flying female executive, this was a bottom-feeding status chaser.
Ms Hajdini is known as a 'closer' who is brought into advanced negotiations as the serious voice who buttons up massive deals and gets them across the finish line
JPMorgan refuted Rana's claims and said it has carried out an internal probe of the allegations (Pictured: JPMorgan's Manhattan headquarters)
Having worked at more than a dozen major media companies over the last thirty years, several of which were helmed by serious and ambitious bosses who happened to be women, I can tell you that these women tend to be laser-focused on proving themselves, making gains and scoring wins.
I've found that when women ascend the corporate ladder, they are far less inclined to give into distracting perversions than their horned-up male counterparts.
Do you really think a woman who is elbowing her way to the top of Mount Dimon would risk her enviable career in this way?
Because women who compete with driven men don't tend to comport themselves like (allegedly) Eric Swalwell in a pantsuit. They're much more turned on by turning in results and beating the boys at their own game.
Nailed it!
Perennially-bored social justice warriors are now turning to activist nail technicians, who are transforming women's fingers into anti-ICE billboards.
The nail art – with thoughtful phrases like 'FCK ICE' – is meant to humiliate federal law enforcement officers, but long nails are really just E. coli magnets
These people really are full of cr*p.
The nail art – with thoughtful phrases like 'FCK ICE' – is meant to humiliate federal law enforcement office, but long nails are really just E. coli magnets
Free, free... sex?
Speaking of dirty activists, another pro-terrorist flotilla barreling toward Gaza isn't apparently all about a free, free Palestine.
The Israeli military boarded their vessels and found condoms and bags of suspicious white powder.
These Hamas-loving horndogs have turned their love boats into floating brothels!
You're hired
Amazon owns the rights to Donald Trump's former TV vanity project The Apprentice, and word is the behemoth studio is spit-balling the idea of bringing the whole thing back with a different Don: Donald Trump Jr.
The president's son was reportedly unaware his name was being bandied about, but if Republicans hear 'You're fired!' in 2028, young Don may be looking for a new job after all.
Amazon is spit-balling bringing The Apprentice back with a different Don: Donald Trump Jr.
Another pro-terrorist flotilla barreling toward Gaza isn't apparently all about a free, free Palestine (Pictured: A boat in the Global Sumud Flotilla which was stopped by Israel)
Clucking mad
Korean Air has really stuck their beak in it.
The airline has banned roosters from its flights after a report alleged Texans were supplying birds for cockfighting to the Philippines.
Somewhere, Samuel L Jackson is thinking he just missed out of a fantastic sequel.
'Enough is enough! I have had it with these [bleeping] roosters on this [bleeping] plane!'