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"Ah yes. You should try not to do that" when someone gets hurt
Person: have you heard of xyz?
Me: perhaps??? I've heard of a lot of things
Person: *explains xyz*
Me: ohhhhhhhh!.... No.
Deliver all with full-on deadpan expression. The more earnest you look, the funnier it'll be because there's no way you're actually serious. And they're right. You're not
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