Offbeat

Is the UK's social media ban for kids just reverse psychiatry?

Ask any parent: banning kids from doing anything doesn't work. On the contrary, it's just about the most powerful way to motivate them.

As The Register reported last week, the UK government is planning on kicking under-16s off social media. The move echoes a similar one by the Australian government, which we reported at the end of 2025 – noting at the time that "nobody thinks it'll really work."

Perhaps, though, there's more to it than at first sight. Perhaps this is some sinister mandarin's long-term plan to improve digital literacy and technology awareness among British, and indeed Australian, youth, using a well-established form of mind control far more effective than the CIA's MK-ULTRA: reverse psychology.

Or, as the late great Sir Terry Pratchett called it, "headology."

Although this quotation from Witches Abroad is about witches, he could have been talking about teenagers: "And that ain't easy, with people like them. Got to use headology. Got to make 'em send 'emselves. Tell Esme Weatherwax she's got to go somewhere and she won't go out of contrariness, so tell her she's not to go and she'll run there over broken glass."

Given a certain type of teenager, we can think of no more powerful incentive to self-education than to tell them that a powerful adult somewhere doesn't want them to see something fun or potentially naughty. The direct result will be an urge to learn about geolocation, virtual private networks, identity verification, biometrics, and everything to do with accessing bits of the internet that they're not meant to.

The legislation specifically says: "The ban will therefore include platforms like Snapchat, TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and X."

That sounds like a lot of the fun bits to us. Or perhaps not, depending on your perspective. This especially pertains to restrictions that apply to those bits of the internet with lots of, shall we say, flesh tones.

It reminds us of the aid package for VPN providers known as the Online Safety Act, which rapidly drove up demand 14 times. It also reminds us of a couple of lines from another Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic.

"Rincewind got down on one knee, the better to arrange the picture, and pressed the enchanted lever."

"The box said, 'It's no good. I've run out of pink.'"

"A hitherto unnoticed door opened in front of his eyes. A small, green and hideously warty humanoid figure leaned out, pointed at a color-encrusted palette in one clawed hand, and screamed at him."

"No pink! See?" screeched the homunculus. "No good you going on pressing the lever when there's no pink, is there? If you wanted pink you shouldn't of took all those pictures of young ladies, should you? It's monochrome from now on, friend. All right?"

Well, quite. ®