When I came home, I’d see you peering out from behind the curtains: "Dad’s home." You’d run out to greet me. I’d pretend I forgot about whatever it was you were hoping for, and then when you were not expecting it, I’d miraculously pull it out from behind your ear. "Yaaay."

Tucking you in at night, you’d whisper, "best dad ever". I’d reply by saying, "best child ever". Those moments have made my life rich beyond my wildest dreams. There has been something healing in it.

Being a father has been the greatest achievement and experience of my life. This Sunday, we celebrate all the great fathers in our lives. All those great men who supported us through the ups and downs of life. Maybe in their quiet way, or not so quiet way. 

I see how my children react to their grandfather. They love being with him as he potters around the house trying to find something else to fix. They love exploring Granda Tom’s messy drawer — torches, batteries, old photographs and god knows what. Artefacts from a man who makes pottering an art form.

I’m the father to three beautiful girls. It’s the greatest role I have in my life, and I can see it is slightly different, at times, from my wife’s role with them. Picking them up, swinging them around, climbing with them, wrestling with them, playing silly games, talking about sports, going up to the local pitch and watching them play GAA etc. I see how the kids love the male influence in their lives.

Of course, their mother does that with them, too, but I see how they crave that male perspective. I have always wanted my children to have teeth in the world, so they wouldn’t believe their only value is saying yes to everything. 

I always took that responsibility, as a father, very seriously. I have worked with so many teenage girls who really struggle to find their voice. They are scared of not pleasing people. I think we can subconsciously create that in our children, particularly our daughters.

They learn early in their lives to be carers. And it is destructive for their happiness later in life. If you believe your only value is saying yes to people, then you will never be at peace in yourself. Who wants to say yes all the time? I always felt my role as a father was to show them how to deal with conflict and how to stand up for themselves in a way that is assertive and respectful.

Most of the play we did was the old rough and tumble of playing on the floor and wrestling. Making up characters that became part of their childish play. They loved it all, and I could see how important it was in their development.

The role of the father has changed irrevocably in recent years. Dads are now more hands-on. I see it when I drop my kids off at school, all the fathers standing there with fabulously pink bags on their backs or some superhero or dinosaur character. I think, how lucky we are to be fathers in a time where this is the norm. It certainly wasn’t the case when I was growing up. I remember thinking fathers were obscure people. Distant and out of reach.

Thankfully, that has changed. Yet, there are still some biases about fathers. They are still outside the conversation, at times, about parenting. I’d see this when I was a teacher — the school would ring the mother if the child was sick, but never consider contacting the father.

As we celebrate fathers this Sunday, I can’t help but think of the many healthy dads denied access to their children. I always think of them on Father’s Day. I meet many of them in my work as a family therapist. The sadness in the room is profound as they describe their life without their children.

The utter powerlessness and isolation. We should all be able to love our children no matter what has happened in our romantic relationship. So, I think of them today. Being a father is the greatest thing I have done. 

When my daughter was younger, she had a sign on the door, ‘no boys allowed, except Dad!’ I still have that sign. I’m proud of it. Happy Father’s Day to all the cool, strong and funny dads out there, who teach their children to grow up and be strong, confident men and women.