Have you heard of “orbit theory”? Essentially, it describes the experience of battling the same issues or patterns over and over until you finally learn your lesson and make a change. I think many of us can relate to this phenomenon, but thankfully, it’s possible to alter your fate and choose a better path.

What Is the Orbit Theory?

The orbit theory suggests that we will continue facing the same issues and situations until we choose differently for ourselves. For example, let’s say you have weak boundaries in romantic relationships. You might continue to be presented with partners who disrespect your boundaries until you learn to uphold them

“The orbit theory is the idea that engaging in the same cycles and patterns leads to the same or similar outcomes,” says Dayae Kim, LMFT at Dayae Kim Therapy. “It keeps you going back to the same people, toxic or uncomfortable situations, and poor boundaries in life.”

The orbit theory is a bit nuanced, in my opinion. For one, I do think it challenges us to see our own roles in our problems. But if used too generally, it can shame victims into believing they’re causing or attracting their own trauma.

Most people use the orbit theory to describe less intense situations, like dating unavailable partners or neglecting yourself in friendships. 

“I think all of us engage in some ‘orbiting,’ and there is some accuracy to it,” says Kim. “They can be the relationships we’re in, friendships that we have, and jobs that we hold. We can get stuck in these loops through our choices and have a hard time breaking them because they feel familiar.”

How to Stop the Orbit Theory in Its Tracks

Have you recognized some unhealthy patterns in your life? Thankfully, it’s never too late to choose better for yourself. 

“Reflect on your past relationships and situations. Do you notice any patterns or repetition in the people you choose or the situations you end up in?” asks Kim. “Once you recognize them, reflect on the outcome and how those experiences made you feel. Then look at your current situation and see if there are any similarities. Doing this helps you become more aware.”

While awareness is the first step, you must be willing to follow through. Don’t fall into the cycle of saying, “This is just who I am,” as that will only keep you small and confined to the same consequences.

“Change comes from recognizing what is within your control,” Kim says. “From there, make small changes and build small habits that shift those patterns. The courage to choose differently often comes from those small wins and realizing you are capable of having more control over what you do and who you surround yourself with.”