The audacity to walk up to a stranger and start a conversation has become so rare that two women had to post a TikTok begging men to attempt it.

A TikTok video, originally posted by @therealwesaidwhatwesaid and later reshared on X, captured two women making a plea that resonated with a lot of single people: “Where are you guys meeting these cute men?” The original video has since been deleted (it’s still on X), but the conversation it started didn’t go anywhere.

“We go out to the bars every weekend, and we only see cute guys in the run clubs, at bagel shops, at the grocery store,” one of the women said. “The bar is the best place, and they don’t go out.” The ask was direct: “Can y’all please start going out?”

The comments filled up fast, and not with sympathy. Men were quick to explain exactly why they’re not showing up at bars, and even quicker to explain why they’re not approaching when they do. “Women are literally hostile towards most men these days,” one commenter wrote. “We don’t want to waste money on girls who have no intention of wanting anything more than free drinks,” added another. A third cut to the point: “Because we’re labeled creepy.”

This Viral TikTok Has Women Begging Men to Start Approaching Them Again

That last one deserves more than a dismissive comment section response. Per the New York Post, there’s a real and documented reluctance among younger men to approach women in public, rooted largely in anxiety about being perceived as threatening or unwanted. Ryan Kessler, a 28-year-old cybersecurity analyst, told the Post his reasoning is about consideration.

“I never want to make the other person feel uncomfortable, and I want to be respectful,” he said. “Some girls don’t want to be approached at all. So, I’m always trying to err on the side of caution.”

What’s left is a stalemate with no obvious exit. Women want to be approached. Men have talked themselves out of attempting it. And everyone ends up back on their phones, swiping through the same profiles they’ve already seen.

The irony is that the bar, for all its noise and awkwardness, is still the one place where both parties have implicitly opted in to the possibility of talking to strangers. The infrastructure for meeting someone in person exists. Everyone just forgot how to use it. Or, hot take: maybe the bar was never the ideal venue for finding someone you actually want to see sober.