Out of all the dating trends I’ve covered—which is a lot—goblintimacy is one of my favorites. This dating approach only poses one request: show up as the most honest and unfiltered version of yourself.

What Is Goblintimacy?

Simply put, goblintimacy means dating as your authentic self, even if that means looking like a disorganized, scatterbrained goblin.

“Goblintimacy derives from the term ‘goblin mode,’ which is a form of unapologetic self-expression that encourages the rejection of societal norms and expectations in favor of fierce authenticity,” says Nick Fager, psychotherapist and founder of Expansive Therapy. “When applied to the dating world, goblintimacy essentially means showing up as the full version of yourself to a first date, without the filters or masks that we’ve always been told to put on to make ourselves more attractive to a potential partner.”

According to Fager, goblintimacy is just one facet of a broader trend.

“It’s no surprise that the first generation who grew up with social media has a preference in their adult lives for authenticity above all else, and goblintimacy is one of the ways that preference is seeping into real-world dating,” he explains.

In today’s dating world, showing up as your messy, flawed, yet human self can feel almost like an act of rebellion. This dating trend praises this behavior.

“As a therapist, I believe the intent of goblintimacy is a good one, which is to bring more authenticity into dating and to limit performance so that each person can make an informed decision about whether or not to move forward,” says Fager. 

Applying Goblintimacy to Your Dating Life

Fager advises taking precautions when applying goblintimacy to your own dating life. For example, you don’t want to dump all your anxiety or trauma onto another person in the name of “goblintimacy.”

“Everyone feels anxious going into a first date, and goblintimacy tells us to show up authentically, anxiety and all. It’s perfectly fine to share that you are anxious and let your anxiety show, but you want to be careful about making your anxiety the other person’s responsibility, which can lead to them shutting down or an unhealthy relational dynamic,” Fager explains. “Similarly, there’s a fine line between authenticity and trauma dumping.” 

While goblintimacy tells us to lay it all on the table, we might want to pump the brakes before oversharing or unloading all of our emotional baggage early on.

“As much as it might feel inauthentic, there is some wisdom in letting things come out as you get to know someone, so that those big emotions are held within the trusting foundation that you’ve built,” Fager says. “My best advice here when it comes to goblintimacy is to give people a cliff notes version of your past without digging into the emotions until you have more of a foundation.”

Embracing Authenticity in Dating

The entire premise of goblintimacy is to be your unfiltered, unedited self, so you can form more genuine connections. Thankfully, there are many ways to embrace authenticity in dating.

“The way you dress is a great way to showcase authenticity on a date, and a great way to show that you have the strength to rise above societal norms or expectations,” says Fager. “Another way to show up more authentically on a date is to share a preference or two ahead of time. Maybe you can only maintain so much eye contact with a new person, or you prefer not to have sex right away, or you really only have the capacity to hang out with a new person for about an hour. These are perfectly okay things to communicate ahead of time so that the other person can adjust their expectations.”

I remember when I went on a first date a few years back and—quite anxiously—told my dating app match ahead of time that I don’t kiss on the first date. While some might see this as unnecessary information, it eased my pre-date nerves to temper his expectations. That way, I could enjoy the evening without obsessing over how I might turn down his request for physical intimacy. (Is it obvious that I have obsessive-compulsive order?)

“One final way to show up more authentically in dating is to give voice to your emotional experience during the date, without making it a huge focus or dumping your emotions on the other person,” Fager recommends. “Quickly mentioning you are nervous, or that you always feel a bit of fear on a first date, is perfectly fine and can lead to more authentic conversation.”