I’ll admit: I doomscroll on social media far too much for my own well-being. The amount of time I’ve spent catching up on influencer drama rather than reading the piles of novels begging for attention on my bedroom floor is actually embarrassing. Sure, I can blame my curiosity about human behavior and my desire for escapism, but at the end of the day, this habit is not benefiting anyone. In fact, it really only makes me more anxious, self-critical, and detached from my own life.

The truth is, we all see ourselves in these people, whether they’re reality TV stars, YouTubers, or someone who just so happened to go viral on TikTok. As a result, and often without realizing it, we tend to form parasocial relationships with individuals we’ve never met.

Sounds a bit wild when we frame it like that, right?

According to Psychology Today, “Parasocial relationships refer to one-sided relationships in which a person develops a strong sense of connection, intimacy, or familiarity with someone they don’t know, most often celebrities or media personalities. These relationships exist only in the mind of the individual, who experiences a bond despite the lack of reciprocity.”

For example, is there a specific influencer you keep up with? A reality TV star you ride for? A podcaster you identify with? In and of themselves, these one-sided connections aren’t wrong or bad. However, many people take them too far.

I’ve seen someone completely flip out because their favorite influencer didn’t want to share details about their divorce. Since when are we entitled to such intimate information? Well, I guess when you’re parasocial, you feel you are.

Look, I love binge-watching reality TV and consuming YouTube vlogs as much as the next person. But lately, I’ve noticed a concerning theme, both within others and even within myself: the idealization-to-devaluation pipeline.

Though we can acknowledge that we don’t actually know these people whose lives we’re consuming through a screen, many of us still form strange and unhealthy attachments to them. 

Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like a toxic, love-bombing ex.

Hear me out: I don’t want to discuss any specific situation, as that will only draw more attention to those involved. But time and time again, I’ve logged on to TikTok and seen a once-idolized media personality being torn to shreds for God knows what.

(Disclaimer: I’m not talking about holding people accountable for their wrongdoings. That’s a different story.)

I’ve also noticed people completely “switch sides” from lover to hater (as if we even know these individuals to begin with!) And hey, I am not here to shame anyone, as I’ve done the same. Sure, I haven’t commented any hate under someone’s post, but I’ve been influenced by whatever mob mentality was trending on social media at the moment.

You might be asking…Why do people care so much about drama they’re not involved in and people they don’t know?

Because we have become so parasocial that we feel more betrayed by a media personality than we do by our own cheating spouse or s—t-talking friend. That’s the joy of escapism, right? We can project our anger onto these people we’ve never met and villainize their entire existence, the moment they behave out of line with the character we’ve created for them.

Striking the Balance Between Fandom and Fixation

Parasocial relationships can be lighthearted and fulfilling, like when I listen to my favorite YouTuber (Kalyn Nicholson)’s coffee talk podcast and feel deeply understood and inspired. 

But on the contrary, when taken too far, they can also be incredibly damaging, both to our own psyche and to the individual we’ve formed an imagery bond with.

Imagine your entire life—every mistake, every emotional breakdown, every moody day, every rock-bottom moment—was broadcast for the entire world to pick apart.

We’re all just human. We’re all flawed. We all have moments we’re not proud of. We’ve all done things we wish we could take back. We’ve all had beliefs that we no longer align with and regrets that haunt us.

In pulling back from these parasocial relationships, I’ve begun to see people as humans—not idols or villains. And in turn, I started to see (and accept) myself just the same.