If you’ve ever worked in a buzzing office, you likely have encountered the flirtatious energy that often exists between some coworkers. For some reason, it seems every office has its own forbidden romances or unrequited love stories hidden beneath the HR paperwork. 

While many successful couples met at work, dating a colleague can be risky. If you’re facing complex feelings for your coworker, yet aren’t confident it’s the real deal, here’s how to let go of your workplace crush.

1. Acknowledge the Fantasy vs. Reality

Many people fantasize about those they can’t have, which is common in the office, as dating coworkers might be off-limits or taboo. To get over your work crush, it’s important to separate your fantasy from reality.

Additionally, realize these fantasies might be bred from mere proximity. 

“Separate reality and proximity from the ‘intimacy’ your mind has created,” says Marco Cally, founder of RedPeach. “Focus on what has really been said, not the hidden meaning you have built from it.”

Many people develop work crushes simply because they spend much of their week with them. Proximity and even shared stress (which is common in the workplace) can bring two unlikely people together. 

“The ‘mere exposure effect’ is a psychological phenomenon that shows people like something more, simply by encountering it regularly,” Cally explains. “Studies have shown that it takes as little as 15 encounters to reach the full potential; this suggests that a co-worker can grow on you after 3 weeks in the office together—or even just regular Zoom calls!”

Unfortunately, however, this isn’t always an accurate indication of compatibility. Once you start dating in the real world, you might realize your foundation and connection aren’t as strong as you thought.

2. Create Distance

Sometimes, you have to make the active choice to create distance between you and your work crush. Otherwise, it’s too tempting to continue reading into interactions or fueling the fantasy. 

“You don’t need to avoid them entirely, as you might still see them in the office every day, but one of the most important shifts is realising that you can’t always get the closure you want from other people, but you can create it for yourself,” says Cally.

3. Limit Any Unnecessary Interactions

In addition to creating physical distance between you and your work crush, be sure to limit your interactions with them to strictly professional and necessary conversations. 

“Interrupt the ‘accidental’ contact that you might not even notice, such as the quick hello when you pass their desk or getting up to make a coffee at the same time,” Cally recommends. “Limit your personal conversations and avoid seeking them out, unless it’s for something work-related.”

Of course, this goes for social media and texting, too.

“Don’t forget about the digital proximity; you might avoid them in the office, but if you’re still talking online, it will still maintain the connection, so make sure the boundaries are clear online as well as in the office,” Cally adds.

4. Refocus Your Energy

The best way to get over a crush is to focus your energy elsewhere. In this case, pour your attention and effort into your career. The less time you spend ruminating about the “what ifs” and fantasies, the more easily you will move on from your crush.

“Research has shown that too much exposure can limit the scale of the mere exposure effect,” says Cally. “Understanding this, and putting your energy into other things, can significantly reduce the effect and help you to let go.”