For my entire 20s, I hustled non-stop. Six years of that was studying full-time while working as an audio engineer and being in a metal band. Then, I freelanced full-time as an audio engineer—not only working with bands but also teaching classes at a university—while trying to grow my YouTube channel as another source of income. And to add to all of that, I got a full-time job only to completely change careers two years after.
I was constantly chasing after productivity and felt that everything I was doing had to amount to income. In every waking moment, I was thinking about the next studio gig and the next YouTube video, and every moment that I couldn’t be doing studio work or working on the next video felt like I was wasting my time. A part of me would always think—
If only I could work on [a current project] right now, while spending time with family;
I really should work on the script for the next YouTube video, while I was just lounging on the couch.
As someone who loves his wife a great deal, I always tried to make sure we spent enough time with each other—and I do really enjoy spending time with her (otherwise, why would I want to spend the rest of my life with her?)—but at the same time, I would get a nagging voice at the back of my mind saying stuff like, “But the next YouTube video!” or “What about the studio project?” Despite my best efforts, my wife did once tell me that she noticed that I was spending a lot of time in my studio, and that was a clear sign I failed to balance life and hustle.
Life just constantly felt like a zero-sum game or a constant internal tug-of-war between hustling to earn more money and enjoying the everyday life. It stopped me from doing things I enjoy, like gaming, practicing the piano or any other hobby simply because they didn’t output anything “productive” or “profitable.” And if I decided to spend extra time relaxing, I would feel guilty that I wasn’t spending the time to do things that would actually make money.
It was exhausting and slowly eating away at my quality of life. It turned my life into constantly choosing between “be productive and make money” and everything else that’s important to me.
All that must have finally caught up to me because, for the entirety of 2025, I felt such a strong withdrawal from all the hustling. After posting one video in January, I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to work on another. I also officially retired from professional audio engineering and took down the studio website that I had for 10 years. I thought about what I want in life and what’s important to me, and decided to relinquish the burden I put on myself to constantly be productive. What’s the point of earning a lot of money or gaining a lot of subscribers for my channel if I can’t even enjoy the one life I get to live with the most important person in my life?
So 2025 was extremely “unproductive” as a result, but it felt like the first year I was truly living the moment and enjoying the present in a very long time. I got back to gaming after a long hiatus, picked up piano practice again, traveled with my wife, started this blog and even started learning a new language (European Portuguese). It feels incredibly liberating to not be constantly thinking if whatever I’m doing is “productive.” It’s a relief to do things I enjoy without feeling guilty that they aren’t producing anything or earning money.
In retrospect, my constant hustling most likely stemmed from the fact that I was an international student with the dream of obtaining permanent residency and eventually Canadian citizenship. I wanted to legally earn as much money as possible because tuition fees were extremely expensive for international students. At the same time, to maximize my chances of immigrating, I did grad school (yes, I did it for immigration purposes, not because I had a genuine interest in it) in the hopes that it would help me get a job that’s considered “skilled” in the Canadian immigration system (it did). I guess getting my Canadian citizenship finally liberated me from my “immigration mission” and allowed me to reevaluate how I want to live my life.
Do I regret the constant hustling throughout my 20s? No, not a chance. I knew what lay ahead when I decided to start a new life in a new country at the age of 17. I wanted an adventure; I wanted to hustle; I wanted to struggle somewhat as an immigrant because I wasn’t one of those Chinese international students who were spoiled by rich parents. I’m incredibly proud of what I did in my 20s and I’m ready to discover where the next 10 years will take me.
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