The reward hypothesis states that all goals and purposes can be understood as the maximization of a received scalar reward signal. However, in practice, defining such a reward signal is notoriously difficult, as humans are often unable to predict the optimal behavior corresponding to a reward function. Natural language offers an intuitive alternative for instructing reinforcement learning (RL) agents, yet previous language-conditioned approaches either require costly supervision or test-time training given a language instruction. In this work, we present a new approach that uses a pretrained RL agent trained using only unlabeled, offline interactions--without task-specific supervision or labeled trajectories--to get zero-shot test-time policy inference from arbitrary natural language instructions. We introduce a framework comprising three steps: imagine, project, and imitate. First, the agent imagines a sequence of observations corresponding to the provided language description using video generative models. Next, these imagined observations are projected into the target environment domain. Finally, an agent pretrained in the target environment with unsupervised RL instantly imitates the projected observation sequence through a closed-form solution. To the best of our knowledge, our method, RLZero, is the first approach to show direct language-to-behavior generation abilities on a variety of tasks and environments without any in-domain supervision. We further show that components of RLZero can be used to generate policies zero-shot from cross-embodied videos, such as those available on YouTube, even for complex embodiments like humanoids.