Part I. The Same Faith in "The One"

Tom, the male main character, were portraited as someone who believes in "the one". And in the movie "the one" is: 1. someone pretty 2. someone who shares similar tastes with him. I see myself when seeing this definition because for the past 20 years of my life, I have always crushed on the type of men that fit into this, except I don't necessarily believe there's only "one" of those guys. Tom's reunion with Summer on the bench gives off a sour vibe from Tom, and a ignorant vibe from Summer. Their conversation ends in smiles that cover up more complicated feelings. I got this kind of "good ending" with one or two of my crushes. But most of the time, I don't get any kind of closure. Time moves, we're in different space, and we don't talk as often, we drift apart, I'll never know if he shared similar feelings.

But!

Just like Tom at the end of the movie, when meeting Autumn, I learned an important lesson: "To Look Around". Yes, most often what seems "tragic" from our eyes may be "beautiful" in others'. What's better than "looking around" as a way to move on in life quickly? (only after you did enough lamentting and was ready to move on

Part II. Looking Around

So, what exact actions are involved in "looking around"? According to the tiny part of the movie, what Tom did was: 1. willing to engage in conversation with Autumn(the date with Alison was a total disater.) 2. actively ask Autumn out for coffee. Those two things seem like the very same thing Tom did when chasing after Summer, except this time, his heart is "calm". His belief changed. There's no longer "the one" but "concindence." My question here is: would Tom turn into another Summer, or would he become a better version of himself? Set aside this question, what are my actions when "looking around"? To be honest, I don't think I have found the balance between "looking around" and "working on myself". I either discard most of my own work and spend time eyeing the most handsome or charming people in the crowd, and then feel too inferior to actually talk to them; or devoting most of my energy to myself but never seem to get in touch with the person I like. It's definitely a myth.

Until recently.

Part III. The "evolution" of love

"Love", all kinds of it, be it romantic, familial or the kind that between friends, confuses me. Looking back on my behavioral patterns when it comes to relationships. I value quality time. Hated separation. Hated possible changes. Retreat from the relationship. Feel relieved. Feel nostalgic. Feel empty. Find new friends. Value Qulaity time.....and the pattern repeats. For a very long time, I hadn't really think about what this pattern reflects or if I'd like it to change. Until college. I felt absolutely lonely. Lonely. Lonely. If I had to pick one song for the loneliness, it'd be "comfortably numb" by Pink Floyd. I went out for fun myself, traveled myself, wandered in the city myself, went to the gym myself, tried alcohol myself, talked to strangers myself, watched movies and shows mostly on my own. The list goes on. I gotta say, it must have been exciting new experience at the very beginning. Or else I woudn't really do all those things myself because I had friends, it's just I didn't like to reach out. But the source of this excitment comes from "Not needing to be the one you have always been". It's a sedcution. To freshen up everything in your life. But it's also world-crushing when you find it's not THAT easy. I was in 21st century, New York, not exactly the time or place that favored new relationships between two total strangers. Or even if the city's famous for opportunities. You had to wield the right tools to take advantage of that. To me, the tools I lacked were: a vivid and genuine back story; a dream/passion; and a growth mindset. Without those, I didn't know what happend. I wasn't writing any diaries. Wasn't thinking much. I lived those days like a dream. And a dream is something that won't last. Anyways, again as time moves, I feel more and more calm. And the definition of "love" changes. What I look for, is unconditional tolerance and the awareness to actively protect the relationship. I truly think any kind of relationship that has those two qualities will last.

Part IV. About the Movie

If you read till here, thank you. Now I want to share what I like about the movie. Great casting and great, great acting. But the character I like the most is Tom's sister, the little girl I forgot her name. I only remembered her being the most straightforward, brave and decisive one about relationships. You would think a young girl's opinion on love is inconstructive. But it actually delivers the "core" of relationship: communication. Especially when you feel there's a gap between you and another, communication comes into handy. Or, if you really aren't good at communication, take ACTIONS. But we all know only actions that fits the other's mind is helpful. Actions considered "good" from only our perspective could be presumptions.

Okay, above are all my thoughts on the movie, thanks for reading, and I'd be super glad if my words trigger you to think. Have a nice day as always!