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Hacker News: Ask HN

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Tremendous Iranian Invasion: A Text Misadventure
brooksc · 2026-04-24 · via Hacker News: Ask HN

Oval Office There is the Resolute Desk here, along with a few gold-plated chairs. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall.

> PUSH BUTTON

A valet enters and hands you a Diet Coke.

> INVADE IRAN

You are not able to do that, yet.

> GO RIGHT

MAGA Right You are firmly on the right of the political spectrum. Elon Musk is here. Tucker Carlson is here.

> GO RIGHT

Extreme MAGA You are on the absolute furthest right edge of the political spectrum. Laura Loomer is here. Nick Fuentes is here.

> INVADE IRAN

You are not able to do that, yet.

> TAKE VACATION

Mar-a-Lago You are at your beautiful club in Florida. Kid Rock is here. There is a box of classified documents in the bathroom.

> GO RALLY

Campaign Rally You are at an airplane hangar in Pennsylvania, along with a massive crowd of patriots and the Fake News media in the back. There is a teleprompter here.

> READ TELEPROMPTER

You ignore the teleprompter and complain about the water pressure in modern showers for twenty minutes. In the distance, Iran enriches uranium to 60% purity.

> READ TELEPROMPTER

You ignore the teleprompter and discuss how windmills are destroying the birds. Iran enriches uranium to 90% purity.

> GO HOME

You fly on Trump Force One back to the White House. Oval Office

> GIVE SPEECH

Who do you want to give the speech to?

> TRUTH SOCIAL

You type the speech in all caps on your phone.

> INVADE IRAN

You are not able to do that, yet.

> THREATEN ALLIES

You threaten to pull out of NATO and tell European countries they need to pay their bills. Emmanuel Macron is here, looking exhausted.

> INVADE IRAN

(Leaving NATO first.) You are not able to do that, yet.

> FIRE EXPERTS

"The generals don't know what they are talking about. I know more about drones than anybody."

> CAPSLOCK DIPLOMACY

"TO THE LEADERS OF IRAN: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE."

> APPLY MAXIMUM PRESSURE

You sanction everything in Iran, including the pistachio farmers.

> IGNORE INTELLIGENCE

You replace the Director of National Intelligence with a loyalist from cable news. Your plan to attack Iran now has the backing of zero international allies, but the base loves it.

> INVADE IRAN

Tehran Airspace You enter Iranian airspace, having launched a massive, beautiful, perfect wave of tactical strikes. You can't seem to find the promised regime collapse, but the footage of the explosions looks tremendous on social media!

> GIVE CONTRACTS

Who do you want to give the contracts to?

> ELON

What kind of contracts do you wish to give to Elon?

> NO-BID LITHIUM MINING

You give the no-bid extraction contracts to Tesla.

> DECLARE VICTORY

"We had a perfect strike. Many people are saying it was the most successful military operation in history."

> STAY COURSE

The situation in the Strait of Hormuz deteriorates.

> EXAMINE MISSION

The mission is tied up in asymmetrical proxy warfare.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in the Strait of Hormuz deteriorates. Some drone swarms arrive.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Global shipping halts.

> DO TARIFFS

You apply a 200% tariff on any country that complains about the inflation spike. The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Some ballistic missiles arrive.

> STAY COURSE

The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Gas hits $9.00 a gallon.

> SCORE

Your favorability rating is 38% out of a possible 100%.

> ADMIT MISTAKES

Syntax error. Command not recognized.

> ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY

Error 404: Concept not found in database.

> BLAME DEEP STATE

"The radical left Marxist generals completely botched the beautiful plan I handed them."

> QUIT

Oh, how we wish you would.

Inspired by http://bit.ly/42rw5X6