Modern network intrusion detection systems (NIDS) are caught in a structural contradiction: the protocols carrying the highest threat intelligence are precisely those encrypted under TLS 1.3 and QUIC, where payload inspection yields nothing. We ask a simpler question -- what if the attack signature is not in the bytes, but in the rhythm? -- and answer it by treating network flows as a language whose grammar is written entirely in L3/L4 packet metadata: length, inter-arrival time, TTL, TCP flags, and hashed port numbers. We present PLM-NIDS, which proves three claims in sequence. (1) The grammar exists and is learnable: a RWKV-4 state-space model trained on 344,232 unlabelled Monday flows achieves a causal LM validation loss of 0.204, demonstrating that benign traffic has predictable, statistically consistent structure. (2) Attacks violate this grammar: the per-flow perplexity score cleanly separates benign from attack flows with PR-AUC = 0.93 using zero attack labels at training time. (3) This separation is architecturally nontrivial: an LSTM trained on identical token sequences degenerates to a majority-class predictor (ROC-AUC approximately 0.50, F1 = 0.91 by always predicting "attack"), proving that RWKV's causal pre-training provides an inductive bias unavailable to direct classifiers. Supervised fine-tuning further raises PR-AUC to 0.94 and ROC-AUC to 0.75, with a precision of 97.7% at the calibrated operating threshold. The RWKV backbone's O(T) recurrent inference enables per-packet streaming without flow buffering, making PLM-NIDS operationally viable at line rate. Because it reads only IP/TCP/UDP headers, it is inherently encryption-agnostic: TLS 1.3, QUIC, and future encrypted protocols are handled transparently.