Object caches underpin cloud and edge services, but production workloads are heterogeneous, nonstationary, and throughput-constrained. Recent simple non-ML policies such as SIEVE and S3-FIFO set a strong baseline, so any learned method must be overhead-aware, robust under drift, and competitive with strong experts. We present SCION, a lightweight policy-orchestration framework that selects among a small set of deployable cache policies using a tiny workload fingerprint computed off the critical path. Our prototype, AUTO, uses short-prefix statistics of object size, cacheability, reuse, and cache size, then applies an offline-trained linear selector to choose among GDSF, S3-FIFO, SIEVE, LHD, W-TinyLFU-AV, and DynamicAdaptiveClimb; a simpler SCION-P90 variant uses only a p90 threshold. In a CPU-only, trace-driven evaluation on 30 public object-cache traces and a separate HR-Cache simulator subset, AUTO improves cacheable-only object miss ratio over SIEVE on a majority of workloads, stays close to the best single expert on average, enables explicit OMR/BMR tradeoff selection, and remains competitive on byte miss ratio. Under a fast-policy budget, AUTO-fast achieves lower cost than the best fixed fast policy. SCION reduces regime-mismatch risk while keeping the hot path unchanged.