To be an effective leader, you need to put your oxygen mask on first.
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There’s a misconception that leadership is all about understanding and leading others when, in fact, effective leadership begins with understanding and leading yourself. Connecting with your authentic self, recognizing your own worth, and developing resilience and tenacity are essential to productively working with others in a way that creates win-win solutions. However, none of that work can happen if you’re running on empty—which is why it’s so important to learn to put your own oxygen mask on first.
When we aren’t taking care of ourselves, it makes it significantly more difficult—if not downright impossible—to take care of others. It’s the principle of the oxygen mask we’re taught on airplanes: Put your own mask on first, otherwise you won’t be able to help others.
When you’re running on empty, you’re increasing your risk of psychological strain, sleep disturbances, decreased job satisfaction, emotional detachment, and burnout—a growing problem. In fact, burnout has become so prevalent that it’s been classified as an occupational phenomenon in the 11th Revision of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), the global health information standard developed and maintained by the World Health Organization (WHO).
People in leadership positions tend to be ambitious by nature and thus often don’t recognize that their fuel tank is dangerously low. It tends to creep up on them, until suddenly, the tank is empty. It’s important to keep an eye out for early warning signs, such as persistent irritability or frustration, a sense of detachment from work or colleagues, fatigue that sleep doesn’t fix, an inability to concentrate, and slipping standards.
Busy leaders may miss these warning signs entirely. I know, because I’ve been guilty of it myself. My family used to tease me that my plate was full, and I needed to remove a thing or two from it. Instead, I kept adding things until they said, “Fine, we’re just going to have to get you a platter!” Inevitably, I had to press pause. I recognized (probably later than I should have) that I had overloaded myself with obligations, and I was on the brink of crashing. I was saying “yes” when I should have been saying “no”.
One of the most underused (and free) oxygen mask activities I’ve found is morning self-talk. The National Science Foundation found that people have 60,000 thoughts per day, with 80 percent of those being negative and 95 percent being repetitive. If you’re waking up thinking, “I dread this day,” you’re setting a negative trajectory for yourself. What would happen if you reframed it and told yourself, “This is going to be a great day.” This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending challenges don’t exist. It’s about choosing to approach your day from a place of possibility rather than dread.
Of course, an oxygen mask requires more than self-talk. And unlike on a plane, in day-to-day life, every person’s oxygen mask looks different. What restores one person may deplete another, and each individual needs to determine for themselves how they will “refuel.”
In my case, one of the most effective (and surprising) solutions came in the form of painting. It’s proven invaluable for quieting the logistical side of my brain and tapping into the creative, restorative side. What might your version of painting look like?
Once you’ve identified your oxygen mask, make space and time for it. This isn’t about being selfish. It’s a simple precondition for effective leadership, allowing you to tap into the empathy, patience, and calm that it demands. And it’s what will allow you to sustain those positive leadership behaviors for weeks, months, and years, rather than running dry and stalling. The leaders who sustain their influence over decades recognize that protecting their energy is part of the job—and what will ultimately allow for maximum impact.
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