Vassal King Narendra Modi, defeater of democracy, vanquisher of electoral fair play, and slave to American Burger King Donald Trump, has urged us not to buy gold, and to conserve energy by working from home. It means the Indian economy is in dire straits, thanks to the US-Iranian struggle over the Strait of Hormuz. Gold imports jumped to $72 billion in 2025-26, up from $58 billion the year before, eating up valuable foreign exchange reserves, currently at around $690 billion. We have a terrible trade imbalance and will be paying through our collective nose for a much higher oil import bill in the months to come. (India has 60 days of oil reserves and 45 days of LPG.) A steep drop in reserves will further plunge the value of the Indian rupee, the worst-performing Asian currency for the second year running. To conserve the reserves, Modi says no gold for a year.
On May 15, Vassal King Modi will fly to the UAE, our strategic partner, and a member of the US-Israel alliance. The four of us are cheering for the India-Middle East-Europe Economic Corridor (IMEC), a feeble reply to China’s Belt and Road Initiative. That India has chosen sides was clear when the vassal king went to Tel Aviv to tell Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu he had India’s full support, two days before the war on Iran. Bibi was last week interviewed on America’s famous news show, “60 Minutes”, and bragged about the support he had from 1.4 billion Indians, as if we were King Modi’s hordes.
During the Russia-Ukraine war, India declared it “was wedded to strategic autonomy”, a modern version of the Nehruvian non-alignment. Vassals have no autonomy, however. One word from the Burger King and we dumped cheap Iranian oil in 2019, and cheap Russian crude a few months back. Last week, we turned away a Russian LNG tanker that was under US sanctions. India also pulled out the Chabahar port project in Iran. So as far as strategic autonomy goes, the emperor has no clothes. (In Modi’s case, the emperor has too many clothes.)
King Modi, as usual, has not told us why he’s going to the UAE. Is it because he wants to reduce the gold imported from the UAE, which surged after the India-UAE deal in February 2022 deal, which gave the UAE concessions on gold imports? Is it because of the IMEC? Is it because the UAE plans another attack on Iran? It is less likely due to energy security, because now Iran controls the region’s oil.
The UAE is important as 4.36 million Indians live and work there, more than a third of the UAE population. But it is an unreliable nation, trying to punch above its weight: it pulled out of OPEC, and the US media revealed the UAE’s fresh attacks on Iran. Its big brother, Israel, also tries to punch above its weight, dreaming of a Greater Israel that dominates the Gulf. Perhaps India too tries to punch above its current weight, which is in free-fall thanks to the vassal king.
Twenty years ago, we believed ourselves to compete with China. No longer. If India was a non-combatant loser of the Iran war—globally isolated, with arch-enemy Pakistan feted all around—then China is the non-combatant winner. Even Burger King is paying court to Beijing, hoping to talk about trade and not geopolitics. The Chinese see Trump for the crude and vulgar liar he is; so, he will return empty-handed even if he declares that Taiwan belongs to China. With its unnecessary war on Iran, the US ceded global supremacy, and since we’re on the US’ side, not China’s, it counts as a double loss for India.
King Modi achieves substantively little on his foreign visits, and this visit to the UAE and Europe will be no different. It is, at a time of austerity, a luxurious holiday in Nordic climes. It is like His Highness telling everyone to save petrol while going in 100-vehicle convoys to Gujarat and Hyderabad. For what are 100 vehicles needed? Even King Charles does not have such a royal procession. It is only for Modi’s regal majesty.
A ‘visionary’ announcement
The peasants remain impressed, unfortunately. Oil Minister Hardeep Puri, named in the Epstein Files, referred to Vassal King Modi’s austerity announcement as “visionary”. It is beyond absurd. There is nothing visionary about flapping one’s wings in the face of crisis, and in 12 years the King has shown no understanding, much less vision, of the complex matters of governance. His philosophy of reign is to leave everything to God (Bhagwan Bharose).
His competence is limited to being anti-Muslim. Unfortunately, that is all that matters to the Indian public at large. India is dumber than the US. Perhaps he is preferred by some over the Leader of Opposition, who took eons to decide on a Chief Minister for Keralam despite the days slipping by.
Vassal King Modi should know that not all kings are remembered fondly, if at all. Take the incompetent and useless Mughal emperor, Mohd Shah “Rangeela”, who ruled from 1719 till his death in 1748. It was a most ruinous time for India, particularly after the 1739 invasion by Nader Shah, a Persian who sacked Delhi and took the Peacock Throne and the Kohinoor. This invasion marked the decline of the Mughal dynasty, mainly because of Rangeela’s lack of attention to agrarian crises and the growing assertiveness of provincial governors. Rangeela was incompetent and lacked administrative skill, much like later kings who are famously averse to reading files.
Instead, Rangeela drowned himself in poetry and lost the Kohinoor. Incidentally, New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani tried to pry the Kohinoor out of King Charles’ sausage fingers. It was more than what the vassal king could dare do.
Vassal King Modi is strategically isolated and without global influence. He should focus on domestic problems instead of hanging with the Sheikhs. He is no Jawaharlal Nehru, however; he’s our modern day Rangeela.
Aditya Sinha is a writer living on the outskirts of Delhi.
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