Let me set the scene.  My oldest and only child at that time was 3 years old.  I was pregnant with my second child.  Since I had quit my job when this child was 2 months old, we had seldom been separated.  I was one of those moms who had to be “encouraged” to leave her child in the nursery during church services. If I needed to go work out, or go to any evening meetings, my husband was with my son.

My son had a terrible case of separation anxiety, because I was rarely out of his sight.

My mother-in-law came for a week long visit and wanted to go shopping for the day. My husband and I decided to ask a family from church, who had a 12 year old son, if they could watch our son for the day.  We would pay the 12 year old, but the mom would be supervising both boys.

I was nervous all day long.  Was my son getting upset, was he missing me? (This was before the days of the cell phone, so I had no way of finding out.) When the long day of shopping finally ended, and we went to pick up my son, I thought he would throw himself into my arms and hug me in relief that I had finally come.

My son took one look at me coming through the door and said, “No, go away!!”  Then he turned away from me.   This was the last thing I had expected.  

Apparently such a great time of playing was happening, my son did not want it to end.  My arrival meant the end to all the fun.

This was my first lesson of letting go with my children.  This was my first lesson in realizing that my value and significance didn’t rest in and upon my children, or in me, “being a good mom.”

I’ve had many, many lessons over the past 34 years of being a mom.  The biggest lesson I have learned is that my children aren’t my God, and I am not theirs.

What do I mean by this?  I mean that my children have been given their lives by God, and they answer to Him for the decisions they make as adults, not to me.  Conversely, I have been given my life by God, and I answer to God for my decisions, not to my children.

I cannot fill their lives, and they cannot fill mine.  God is the only One who can fill our lives.

What does this mean in practical terms?  It means when my adult children are making decisions I disagree with, and they have not asked for my opinion or advice, I keep my mouth shut.  If they are asking me to help them out, then I talk about the situation with my husband, and we talk about the situation with the Lord.   Sometimes we help them, and sometimes we don’t, depending on how the Lord directs through His Word, counsel and Spirit.   

It has been incredibly freeing to let God be God, and realize that I am not God, and my children, husband, friends and family are not my God.  They cannot fill me anymore than I can fill them.   This realization has set me free to love others unconditionally.  Perhaps that is what God means when He says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10   There is peace and rest, in letting God be God.

May We Be Encouraged!!