Name: Donald Trump’s great daughter.

Age: Unknown.

Appearance: Uncertain.

Which daughter are we talking about? Ivanka or the other one? Tiffany?

Yeah, Tiffany. It’s not Tiffany.

Ivanka, then. It’s not Ivanka either.

Does Trump have another daughter? Not as far as we know. But we only have his post to go on.

Which post? The one that Trump put up on Truth Social the night before Father’s Day, featuring a picture of an unidentified blond woman talking on the phone.

Strange. Any caption at all? Trump wrote: “Great daughter. My Honor!!! President DJT.”

What does it all mean? That question led to all sorts of speculation over the weekend.

About whether Trump is now so confused that he thinks random women are related to him? Certainly that, but also about the identity of the woman. One Trump follower suggested it might be Aissa Wayne, the daughter of the movie star John Wayne.

Was it? No. But there were other clues.

Such as? The woman pictured is talking on a landline phone, suggesting the image is not recent. The background is clearly Camp David – the presidential retreat where Trump spent the weekend – so he may have come across the photograph there. The furnishings in the image date to the Clinton era.

What about the woman? She was tentatively identified as Margo Catsimatidis, a one-time Clinton pal and the wife of the supermarket magnate and Trump supporter John Catsimatidis.

Is she a great daughter? Maybe, but it was unclear whether Trump was referring to her, or to her own daughter, Andrea Catsimatidis.

Which is more likely? The latter, probably: Andrea leads the Manhattan Republican party, and attended Trump’s birthday cage fight at the White House last week.

I guess we’ll never know for sure. Confirmation of a sort came when Andrea herself answered the post. “Thank you Mr President!” she wrote. “Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party, it was an amazing tribute filled with so much American pride. And thank you for everything you are doing for America!”

That sounds like a response deliberately phrased to make the initial post seem part of a rational conversation. If so, it hasn’t quite worked.

And in the end, it had nothing to do with Father’s Day. Let’s face it: it had nothing to do with anything.

Meanwhile, there’s a war going on. Yes. While US negotiators attempt to patch up a collapsing peace deal, Trump is in the woods posting nonsense, which might be the safest arrangement for everybody.

Do say: “Another great post, Mr President!!!”

Don’t say: “Thank you, sir, but I’m not your daughter. I’m just here to give you your injection.”