Welcome to Rated and Slated, the column that is terminally online so you don’t have to be.

Timothée Chalamet reveals Kylie Jenner surprised him with a private IMAX screening of Interstellar for his birthday

“I was grumpy on the way there cause I didn't know where she was taking me. I was like, ‘This is my birthday, why are we driving 30 minutes outside of LA?’”

“I… pic.twitter.com/g17DG52e4L

— Jack (@Jackkk) June 16, 2026

Personally, seeing my own face enlarged to the size of an apartment building is not how I typically like to celebrate another year around the sun. I don’t know what would be more haunting, the looming spectacle of my 18-year-old visage preserved in cinematic eternity, or the eerie glimpse into a future where I end up becoming Casey Affleck. 

In the same interview, little Timothée tells another delightful anecdote about how, on his final day of filming the 2014 space blockbuster, a huge floater was left in the toilet of his trailer by Matthew McConaughey (who sits there the whole time, laughing maniacally with his preternaturally white teeth) as some kind of deeply grotesque Texan souvenir.

Timothée Chalamet reveals Matthew McConaughey took a shit in his trailer on his final day filming Interstellar

“My last day on Interstellar I was very moved. I was sad to be leaving and I went in my trailer and I went in the bathroom and there was a huge turd in my toilet”

“I… pic.twitter.com/Ilz2sRSrsH

— Jack (@Jackkk) June 15, 2026

So in the same spirit, here are a few stinking nuggets that the internet has dumped straight into my head this week. The filmset catering must be high in fibre, because there’s simply no flushing them out of the toilet bowl of my mind however hard I try. So instead I’m sharing them with you.

rated

TOM HOLLAND AND ZENDAYA GETTING MARRIED

Tom Holland didn’t need to explain to his family members that AI-generated photos were fakes because they were there on the big day to see Zendaya’s father, a giant apple in a suit, walk her down the aisle where a humanoid strawberry priest was waiting to unite them in holy matrimony. 

‘TRUE ARROGANCE’

Listen, Bob Dylan can do whatever the hell he wants, he’s an old king from a vanished country. And they simply didn’t have basic manners or a concept of “stagemanship” in his invisible kingdom.

CASHING OUT YOUR PENSION EARLY

Hello, is that the British Government? Yes, I’d like to take my £12,500 and put it all on Curaçao winning the World Cup at 5000 to 1. When my bet comes in, I’ll buy the whole island and still have change. That’s right, you’re looking at the new King of Great Britain. 

SMOKING IN THE AGE OF AI

David Hockney once famously turned up to a political conference holding a placard saying: “DEATH awaits you all even if you do smoke.” Writing for The Critic following his death last week, Victoria Comstock-Kershaw argues that the British artist always “insisted on doing exactly as he pleased—and his cigarettes were as much a part of his artistic philosophy as his paintbrush.” This is more than you can say for the mass of neurotic internet health optimizers. I wonder how many of them will make it to the age of 88? 

PLUGMOGGING

the British plug brutally and completely mogs all other types of socket across the world and there isn't a close second https://t.co/qBIJDwwDjI

— /// 𝙰 𝙽 𝙾 𝙳 𝚈 𝙽 𝙴 /// ✇ (@Vaporwave_07) June 14, 2026

Sticking a fork into my U.S. socket and gigafrying myself with 120 volts of raw electricity in the name of good old American energymaxxing.

NEW SLANG

You meet a beautiful stranger in a doctor’s waiting room who tells you to listen to this one song that’ll change your life, she hands you the headphones and this is what’s playing.

SLEAZEPOP

I predict we’ll be onto sleazegaze by the end of the month and, frankly, I cannot wait.

slated

REAL OR CAKE?

But seriously, if Nicki Minaj exploded out of a gigantic cake to sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to an 80-year-old Donald Trump wearing nothing but a sash with his name on it then he would probably die (and not in the good way). 

USING POKÉMON GO TO TRAIN AN AI MODEL THAT MAY BE USED TO HELP US MILITARY DRONES

Pokémon Go player data was used to train an AI model that may be put to use helping US military drones and robots navigate war zones.

The game awarded players points if they took a short video of them “scanning” certain points of interest as they walked around. In total, 30… pic.twitter.com/Eq4pTSequh

— Novara Media (@novaramedia) June 14, 2026

TASTESLOP

I enjoyed Emily's article about tasteslop (and appreciate the shoutout), but admit some of it went over my head. I also suspect that "tasteslop" as a term will spread and be used in ways totally unrelated to her framing, similar to "normcore." Can see that already in her comments https://t.co/qK8ATCAkLt

— derek guy (@dieworkwear) June 16, 2026

What if the real tasteslop wasn’t your gooseneck kettle or that copy of Butter by Asako Yuzuki or even those Margiela Tabi ballet flats, but actually the liquefied gruel pumped intravenously into your birth pod while electromagnetic transmissions fire through the headjack grafted onto the back of your skull, creating the illusion that every single object you own or piece of “content” you’ve ever consumed actually exists.  

ARMIE HAMMER’S COMEBACK

I’ll refrain from saying how I feel about this collaboration as I don’t want to be punched in the head.

BEING ON THE ROAD A TON

Everyone is so focused on whether this sentence from The New Yorker is or isn’t “illiterate crap“ that they’re missing the main point: people are actually paying good money to see Kurt Vile in 2026.

MUSIC FOR SERVER FARMS

Eno the industrial humanoid robot doesn’t need legs or a head to make the most boring ambient music you’ve ever heard.

THE RETURN OF MCDONALD’S FRIED APPLE PIE

McDonald’s is bringing back the Fried Apple Pie to celebrate America turning 250

The classic dessert was phased out of the menu in the 90s, but will be back on June 23 pic.twitter.com/2II7KoNphA

— Dexerto (@Dexerto) June 16, 2026

Depending on your perspective, America is either the world’s richest third-world country or the most “based” nation on Earth. Either way, when it comes to the 250th anniversary of the United States, I’ll be celebrating with homemade apple pie (I’m going to put my dick in it). 

Follow Adam on Instagram @yungtolstoi