The other day, a friend of mine asked how it’s been living with my boyfriend, and my immediate reaction—other than exclaiming “It’s been amazing!”—was to tell her all about our favorite activity: parallel play.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t parallel play for kids?

Originally, the concept of parallel play was meant for children learning to coexist with one another. Essentially, they’d play with their individual toys or engage in their own activities while in the presence of other children. But parallel play is actually quite important in adulthood.

The best connections allow you to do your own thing while still spending time with your partner. You don’t need to fill the silence with constant conversations, nor do you need to entertain each other every second. I’ve found this to be the key to a happy and healthy relationship, especially when you’re living together, your lives already intertwined.

According to Hannah Owens, LMSW, parallel play is “a way to feel together even when you are having separate experiences.”

For example, while my boyfriend plays guitar, I’ll write my novel in the same room. While he watches TV, I’ll read a book while sitting next to him on the couch. While he cooks us dinner, I’ll bake us dessert. The simple act of being together is more than enough to keep us connected, but not so much that we’re losing our sense of individuality. 

“The whole ‘I’ll do my thing, and you’ll do your thing, and we’re both enjoying our things, and that’s OK’ thing actually comes up quite a bit in romantic relationships,” Owens wrote in her Verywell Mind article. 

Why Parallel Play Helps Relationships

Parallel play allows couples to maintain their individual identities while still bonding with each other. This way, no one faces burnout.

“Parallel play helps both partners grow individually by allowing them to engage in their own activities and interests, all while sharing the same space,” Mark Travers, Ph.D., wrote in his Psychology Today article on the topic. “Each person can focus on personal growth, whether working on a hobby or having some quiet time alone. The mere presence of the other person in the same space fosters a sense of togetherness, comfort, and autonomy.”

Of course, too much of anything can be harmful, so make sure all your time isn’t spent this way. You still need quality time when you’re engaged with one another, whether by partaking in the same activity or having a deep conversation over dinner. And, of course, everyone needs space and alone time, too.