Hunter Biden is setting the record straight on cocaine.

Sure, he’s a crackhead, but that packet of booger sugar found at the White House in 2023? Did not belong to him.

He has been “verifiably” sober since 2019 — or so he told Candace Owens in an unlikely sitdown released Thursday. It was billed as a decency summit, with the right and the left coming together to show that it can be done in a civil manner.

But that didn’t make it any less delusional.

Earlier in the week, the former First Son teased the podcast appearance by tweeting, “I’m Hunter Biden. You’ve never actually heard from me.”

Many astutely pointed out that it’s Navy Joan, his lovechild with former stripper Lunden Roberts, who has yet to hear from him. (Roberts reopened her child support lawsuit in January, claiming he has “ghosted” the 7-year-old.)

America, however, has met and heard from Hunter many times over. Thanks to the illicit photo album on his laptop from hell, we’ve seen every inch of the man, in various states of undress and consciousness and sometimes accompanied by ladies of the night.

Plus, he has tried on a few identities over the years.

For a while, it was selling his pricey paintings to collectors looking for a Biden original — or, perhaps, political access.

In 2021, Hunter became a memoirist to solicit sympathy and try to clean up his image.

And, after some legal battles over tax evasion and a gun, he was the recipient of an unconditional pardon from his father.

Now he’s a political truth teller. A zen truth seeker.

It’s a major switch-up from Hunter’s frenetic July interview with YouTube personality Andrew Callaghan, when he unleashed so many F-bombs it would have made Tourette’s activist John Davidson blush.

That conversation revealed a deeply bitter man looking to avenge his father’s reputation against his enemies, including Trump and George f–king Clooney.

However, in this new, nearly two-hour chat, he was calm and clear-eyed. Owens, meanwhile removed her tinfoil hat for the occasion — adopting the soft, soothing posture of Oprah Winfrey trying to unlock secrets with radical empathy.

Both put on their best public radio voices for a meditation on addiction, complete with Hunter offering a prayer of humility.

This was a woo-woo reckoning, as Owens expressed regret over having been a Hunter critic while he was grappling with a drug dependence. She called her past anger a reaction to being “gaslit” by claims that the laptop was Russian disinformation.

“I feel like I have to say, like, I’m really sorry that I contributed to that. Like, I just feel really sh–ty. Like, I feel guilty,” she said.

Hunter agreed with her frustration, acting like his hands were tied over the claim. Yet, when he made the rounds to promote his memoir back in 2021, he played coy when asked if the laptop was his.

“For real, I don’t know,” he told CBS. “There could be a laptop out there that was stolen from me. It could be that I was hacked. It could be … that it was Russian intelligence. It could be that it was stolen from me.”

He was the gaslighter in chief.

After all, Hunter’s aim is to salvage his family’s name, which he has exploited for riches.

On the topic of his aging father, Joe, being pushed out of the 2024 election, he dug into Owens’ bucket of conspiracies for answers.

“It’s not left or right …You think I’ll defend the DC elite of the left? They crushed my dad … ,” Hunter said.

“When they saw their chance, they did everything in their power to push him out. You know why? Because he was never part of that club. He was never part of the Epstein class. He lived in Delaware.”

Everyone knows that if you live in the first state, you can’t be in with the swamp creatures!

One can’t help but sympathize with the deep personal loss that Hunter has experienced over his life. Or his struggles with addiction.

But this guy, who is reportedly living at a fancy California ranch while owing over $20 million, is always trying on new costumes to avoid the real world.

He doesn’t contain multitudes — only layers of delusion.