Published November 14, 2023 · 6 min read

Leadership, in my eyes, has always been a blend of natural inclination and learned skills. Reflecting on my own path to becoming a leader, I've realized it's not just about innate abilities or formal training. It's a journey deeply rooted in personal experiences, observations, and the willingness to grow.

Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others

Jack Welch

The making of a leader

Early Instincts

Some of my earliest memories of leadership go back to childhood. It's all those simple games with the neighborhood kids. I didn’t think of it as leadership at the time. We were just building pretend farms or setting up made-up missions like plowing. But looking back, I was always the one who naturally stepped in to organize things. I’d ask one kid to find water, another to gather stones, and somehow, everyone listened. I alway felt like something I was meant to do. I think they planted the first quiet seeds of what leadership would mean to me later in life. They’ve made me reflect on the idea of being “born a leader”. I don’t know if I fully believe that, but I do know those instincts were always there, waiting to grow.

Learning Leadership

Even though I naturally leaned into leadership as a kid, I’ve come to believe that effective leadership isn’t something you're either born with or not. It’s something you grow into. You know it's often through trial, reflection, and a willingness to get uncomfortable. If you researched a bit, you know that research backs this up. Many studies come up with what you expect. While traits like extraversion or confidence can help, the most impactful leaders consistently develop through self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and feedback loops. It's never just raw talent. I do believe it plays a role.

Personally, most of what I rely on today didn’t come from instinct. It came from watching good/bad leaders up close. It's about how they spoke, how they made decisions, how they handled setbacks. Then, I tried to to apply those lessons myself both good and bad. I think one of the interesting parts of observing a bad leader, it gives you perfect lessons on what not to do. Books, mentorship, and honest reflection helped shape my leadership far more than any natural gift. It's funny because some of the people around me always joked as I was never cut for leadership roles.

If you’re wondering whether you’re cut out to lead, don’t fall into the trap of thinking it’s reserved for a select few. Leadership is a muscle. It strengthens with use. Skills like communication, empathy, and decision-making comes with time and studies. They’re learnable. And if you’re willing to learn, you’re already further along than you think.

Accepting Responsibility

Leadership for me has been about owning the outcomes, good or bad. I don’t think this is an innate trait but something you cultivate through various life experiences. It has an important role in leadership because you should feel accountability for wins and failures.

Constant Learning

If there’s one thing I’ve held onto more than anything else as a leader, it’s the belief that I still have so much to learn.

One of the dumbest things I did early in my career was assume I could treat everyone the same. I thought if I was driven by challenge and pressure, everyone else would respond the same way. I’m a pushy person by nature. Intense and goal-oriented. So I pushed people too. Hard. I thought I was doing them a favor. But it backfired. Some shut down. Others burned out. And I had to sit with that and realize: not everyone’s wired like me. That was a turning point.

Obviously, my leadership style wasn’t shaped in a single moment. It’s something I’ve had to build over time through discomfort, failures, uncomfortable feedback, and unexpected inspiration.

Sure, I’ve read plenty of leadership books. But you know what. The real lessons came from people. Like the teammate who once told me that I interrupted too much during meetings. It stung. But he was damn right. And once I got over the ego hit, I adjusted. I remembered to shut up.

On the other hand, some of the biggest shifts in how I lead came just from paying attention to others. Watching a manager take the fall to protect their team. Watching a single, well-timed question reframe an entire conversation. Those moments taught me more than any leadership seminar ever could. Some of those seminars are fucking amazing though.

Now, people are complex. What works for one can completely shut down another. Hence, you can’t script leadership. Nonetheless, we can always show up with humility, intelligence, and the willingness to keep evolving. That’s the kind of leader I want to be: not polished, not perfect. But be present, sharp, and always learning.

Motivating Others

Look, if you can’t get people to care, nothing gets done. Doesn’t matter how smart you are, how solid your plan is. If your people are not in, you’re screwed. Motivation isn't fake hype or bullshit leadership talk. It’s about making sure people get why they’re doing what they’re doing. If they don’t see it, they won’t move. Simple as that.

For me, it’s about shared goals. Not just dropping KPIs on people and hoping it sticks. You gotta bring them into it. Show them where they fit. What is in it for them. Show them it matters. Then they start owning it. People aren't the same. Some want pressure. Some want space. Some want to be seen, others just want to build and be left alone. You gotta figure that out. You push everyone the same way, you’re gonna break half the team. I have been there, done that.

Embracing Leadership

Transitioning into a formal leadership role felt like stepping into unknown territory. Despite my early instincts and learned skills, the truth I've come to realize is that no one is ever truly ready for leadership. It's not merely a promotion; it's akin to starting an entirely new job. And, sadly you have to learn a big portion of it on the job. It is not about having all the answers, but about the willingness to find them and grow in the process.

If you feel you have shown bits of leadership already, you’re ready to walk. You might not think you are ready. The truth is nobody is. And, you won’t be ready. So, take a look at your experiences. If you find breadcrumbs of leadership, perhaps, you are ready to go. Believe in yourself and ask for help. Nobody made it without failing. Accept it and move forward. 

Consequently, my path to leadership started from childhood then evolved into how I’m today. I will change it because I will learn more. Everyone’s path is unique because conditions are different. If you feel you are ready, just go with it. Nobody is totally ready.