If you’re a single parent and hoping to start dating, there may be questions or concerns going through your mind. For instance, when will you find the time? What will the kids think? Do people want to date single parents?
According to recent data from the Office for National Statistics, there are around two million single parents with dependent children in the UK, which represents roughly a quarter of all families who have dependent children. This means that not only is there a large number of people in a similar position to you, but a significant percentage of them may be looking for romance.
Read on to discover 13 tips on successful single-parent dating, along with expert insight from Angela Vossen, a sex and relationship coach.
Before single parents start dating, Angela encourages them to give themselves permission to find love and happiness outside of their family unit. This is integral to having a positive dating experience.
“Being a single parent, especially of young children or teenagers, can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to lose a sense of yourself as a person beyond the parenting role,” Angela says. “Alongside friendships and a social life, dating can restore a sense of connection, fun, romance, and sexuality. It’s a reminder that you're a whole person, not just someone who is defined by single parenthood.”
So while it might not always be easy to date as a single parent, the potential rewards make the effort genuinely worthwhile for many.
Here are 13 expert tips for making your experience as successful as possible.
Before you begin dating, it’s important to check in with yourself to make sure you’re emotionally prepared for the ups and downs it can bring. “Are you dating from a place of genuine desire for connection and openness to a new relationship, or from loneliness or outside pressure?” Angela asks. “It’s worth being honest with yourself before bringing someone else into your world.”
She adds that it’s also vital to let go of any feelings of guilt. “So many single parents feel guilty for wanting a romantic connection, as if it somehow takes something away from their children,” she says. “It doesn’t. Modelling healthy, loving relationships is one of the best things you can do for them, and pouring into your own cup with some adult time makes you a better parent.”
As a single parent, you will be very aware that your free time is precious and hard to come by. But if the person you decide to date doesn’t have any dependents, they may not understand initially and they could confuse minimal free time with rejection. Try to avoid this by acknowledging your time constraints up front so that expectations are set accordingly. If you have two free weekends a month, for instance, let them know so you can plan something.
Think about what you do and don’t want in a partner. Consider what didn’t go well in past relationships and what your dream scenario is for your future. Having this image firmly in your mind will help you date intentionally and hopefully avoid falling into old habits and cycles.
While dream scenarios are helpful for your mindset, it’s also important to be realistic. That’s not to say that your dream partner doesn’t exist, but you may just not find them after a first date. See the overall experience as a process where you get to flex your dating muscles again, meet new people, and find someone great when the time is right.
“It’s important to understand that the dating landscape itself isn’t always welcoming,” Angela says. “Research by the Frolo Dating community found that 86 per cent of single parents said they had been made to feel ‘less than’ on mainstream dating apps, with bios openly asking them to swipe left. That’s why it’s important to sign up to a dating platform that aligns with your values and will help you find someone likeminded and at a similar life stage.”
[Source: Frolo / A Dating Dad]
If you feel daunted by the idea of dating on a mainstream app where you’ll have to continually explain your role as a parent, consider signing up to specific single-parent dating apps. These offer a safe space for single parents where everyone is in a similar position and understands the challenges of dating with children.
Don’t be tempted to hide the fact that you have children on your dating profile for fear that it may put potential partners off. It’s always advisable to be honest and open about your life from the start. Remember, the right person for you is someone who accepts you as you are.
Sharing your hobbies and interests tells potential partners more about you and your values. Perhaps you love walking or playing tennis, or have dreams of getting back into painting or sailing. Remember that being a parent isn’t the only thing that defines you.
Clear communication is integral to a positive dating experience, so make sure you’re keeping on top of messages on the dating apps you’re using. If you also see someone you would like to get to know better, be brave and initiate a conversation. From here, suggest meeting up in person and make your intentions clear. Your time is precious, so make the most of it.
Discussing your parenting situation early on is the best way to get any new relationship off to the best start. Everyone will know where they stand and potential partners will have a good understanding of your responsibilities, boundaries and what you’re looking for.
If your children are still young, you probably won’t be able to go on lots of spontaneous dates. It’s important that everyone you date understands this. If you have set days in the month when you’re available, don’t be afraid to make that clear. This will prevent any misunderstandings or making promises you can’t keep.
Daytime dates are great for single parents as they don’t require organising childcare or waiting for set days in the month when your children may be with their other parent. Coffee dates or a walk in a local park, for instance, are good for low-pressure first-date ideas because they are inexpensive and can be as long or as short as you like.
If you’ve been on a few dates with someone and the relationship is starting to blossom, you may consider doing family-friendly activities together. Doing this, however, should be left until a proper relationship is established as it can be confusing and disconcerting for children to meet partners prematurely.
Meeting someone special can be exciting and consuming but try not to rush into a serious commitment. With children to consider, taking your time to get to know someone will ensure minimum disruption to your family unit and ensure the relationship is built on strong foundations.
If you start dating someone new and you spot signs of ‘love bombing’ or false intimacy (such as forcing an intense relationship early on), raise your concerns and ask them to slow down. This kind of behaviour can be a sign of emotional immaturity or control, both of which can be red flags. It’s important that you’re aware when things may be moving too quickly.
Being aware of dating red flags is very important and, chances are, you may spot at least one of them on your dating journey. The main thing is that you’re checking in with yourself regularly. If something doesn’t feel right, you don’t feel like you’re being treated correctly, or a date is being consistently flaky, know when to walk away. Keep that dream partner in mind and don’t waste time on those you know aren’t up to scratch.
“Single parents often have less time for ambiguity. It’s perfectly reasonable – healthy even – to be upfront about your situation and what you’re looking for early on,” Angela says. “Someone can be lovely; you can enjoy each other’s company and share similar interests, but if you want different things from a relationship and from life, be honest with yourself and with each other. As tempting as it might be to overlook incompatibilities, try to balance your head and your heart.”
No one understands the trials and challenges of single parenting like other single parents. As such, you may find it useful to join communities and forums on Facebook and other platforms such as Mumsnet that are designed specifically for single parents. There may also be communities in your local area with in-person meet-ups.
Forums and social groups are a great place to share your experiences, worries and challenges of dating as a single parent. You can also share your own tips if you have any, or get advice from those who have a little more experience than you.
If you’ve found someone who you want to be in a relationship with, you’ll want to introduce them to your children when the time is right. Before doing so, gauge their readiness by asking them how they’d feel if you met someone new and let them know that you’ve been dating. This will give them a chance to get used to the idea and help you gauge how ready they are. Of course, this will all be impacted by how long you’ve been single and your personal circumstances.
Angela warns that if you do this too early, however, it can be unsettling for children and places unfair pressure on a new relationship. “However excited you might be, take time to truly get to know one another and feel confident about where things are heading before combining your parenting and romantic lives.”
When it comes to making introductions, keep things casual and fun. Consider a walk in the park together, a picnic or simply popping over for a coffee. This will keep expectations and pressure low. Children should never feel pressured into accepting someone new into their family unit, no matter how strongly you feel about them. Let things happen slowly and organically so trusting relationships are built over time.
Dating can be a rollercoaster and open you up to all kinds of feelings and emotions. That’s why it’s important to take care of your wellbeing along the way. For instance, if you just went on a terrible date, take a break for a week or so to recoup and recharge.
Don’t dedicate all of your spare time to dating and make sure you’re still catching up with family and friends while doing things that make you feel good such as yoga or Zumba. This will give you much-needed balance and relieve some of the pressure of finding someone.
If you're single and interested in meeting new people, join Telegraph Dating. With more than 220,000 like-minded single people, this could be the best place to find romance.
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