It turns out that Thermos bottles are potential Rube Goldberg machines for blinding you in cartoonish but utterly horrific fashion.

Thermos LLC is recalling over eight million of its insulated bottles and jars, it announced last week, after receiving reports of the stoppers used in their lids causing “permanent vision loss” in three customers when they “forcefully ejected” from the bottle.

The company identified a serious design flaw in the stoppers. If perishable foods or drinks are left in the bottles for a lengthy period, it can cause a pressure build-up that turns a stopper into a mini-missile the second that an unfortunate soul tries to open one. Unlike other designs, the recalled stoppers don’t have a pressure relief mechanism in the center.

If shooting stopper gets on target, it “can result in serious impact injury and laceration hazards to the consumer,” according to the recall notice. So far, Thermos has received 27 reports of customers who were struck by an ejected stopper, including complaints of laceration injuries that required medical attention. Three were permanently blinded after being hit in the eye.

The recall affects products sold between March 2008 and July 2024 at locations like Target and Walmart, and online marketplaces like Amazon. That it stretches so far back is stunning in its own right, taking years before it was officially acknowledged. And that Thermos already used another stopper design with a pressure relief mechanism may add insult to actual injury.

The affected products are Thermos’ 16-oz Stainless King Food Jar, its 40-oz Sportsman Food & Beverage Bottle, and 24-oz Stainless King Food Jar. Consumers are warned to stop using the recalled bottles and jars immediately.

Strangely, these aren’t the only insulated bottles in recent years that stirred controversy for being potential health hazards. Stanley Cups faced a storm of social media scrutiny when people caught on that they contained lead in their bottom inner layer — which, in light of the Thermos recall, raises the ultimate question: how hard is to make a bottle that keeps your coffee warm that also doesn’t kill you?

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