Despite the “batch of bullshit” that was on the dais, according to The Plastic Cup Boyz member and longtime Kevin Hart writer Na’im Lynn, the stars were out this Mother’s Day — on and off the stage — at the Kia Forum for Netflix‘s Roast of Kevin Hart.
Led by “extremely white host” Shane Gillis, attendees in the audience included Tracee Ellis Ross, Eric André, John Stamos, Seth Green, Jennifer Lopez, Hasan Minhaj, MGK, Lamar Odom, Yvonne Orji and, naturally, streamer co-CEO Ted Sarandos.
Gillis kicked off the evening in Inglewood by thanking Netflix for “choosing me to host this celebration of Black excellence” before Usher, backed by The Roots, introduced the show with a performance of “Caught Up,” eventually transitioning to a musical roast of Hart.
“Good luck, you gon’ need it, buddy,” he said, as Hart — who had earlier walked out on stage to shimmering pyrotechnics — cursed him out, the beginnings of many expletive-laden outbursts from the comic as he gamely took the night’s punches.
Below, read about some of the highlights of the three-hour live event:
As Hart promised a show that’s “way better than the Tom Brady roast” — mainly “because I’m not a bitch” — the seven-time Super Bowl champ strutted up the walkway behind him.
“Jesus, do you ever shut the fuck up?” Brady said, before bestowing upon him a “newborn-size” New York Knicks jersey and mentioning his 2017 Las Vegas cheating scandal.
The athlete wondered how the GOAT roast went “from me to you,” sizing up his seven rings against Hart’s two Ride Along credits.
“I guess it wouldn’t be a Kevin Hart project if it wasn’t a shitty sequel,” Brady said. As he looked around the dais, singling out Sheryl Underwood and Big Jay Oakerson, he continued, “Who the fuck are these people? I thought they shut down Spirit Airlines?”
Brady concluded by saying he was “too classy” to go after Hart’s wife, Eniko Parrish. “But am I? What’s up, girl?” he hollered, before adding, “Payback’s a bitch, and so are you.”
The Roastmaster General kicked off a series of jokes that dunked on Hart — whom he called the “crack baby that could, preemie with a dream-y, putting the Elf in Philadelphia, Eddie Smurfy” — highlighting the unwillingness of his comedic role model to join in the night’s festivities.
“You’re like Martha Stewart but without the respect of the Black community,” he said, before launching into a hilarious recollection about how Hart’s remarks at the Brady roast spurred him to get a colonoscopy screening, detect his cancer and be able to make it to tonight’s event to “shit all over you.”
After being subject to some been-there-done-that material about her sexual history, Handler had much to say about the guests on the dais, starting with host Gillis.
“Is that Druski in whiteface?” she questioned, before noting she thought she could be his mom “mostly because you look like you have fetal alcohol syndrome.” She continued that it was “ironic” he’s been accused of being anti-Asian (his past tweets got him fired from Saturday Night Live) “given he has the complexion and build of a steamed dumpling.”
“This is a real who’s who of statutory rapists,” she continued, looking around. “We’re just lucky none of you could afford an island.” She added later, “You helped sway the last election. You should be proud, boys.”
After alluding to some of the comics’ political affiliations, most obviously Tony Hinchcliffe — the Trump rally comedian who went viral for his disparaging “island of garbage” comments about Puerto Rico — Handler questioned if anyone would sign up for the draft for the Iran war, “or do you fucking pussies only go to the Middle East for comedy festivals?”
Singling out Hinchcliffe further, she said Tony is “what happens when women don’t have safe access to abortion care” and has “the face of a school shooter and the personality of someone who gets shot first.” Kicking off the first of many, many jokes about Hinchcliffe being closeted, she asked “who’s keeping Joe Rogan’s balls warm in their mouth” if he’s here tonight.
Handler wrapped up her set by saying she’s proud to be friends with Hart, someone who “respects women” and loves his wife.
Lizzo was the first surprise guest of the night, playing on the flute as she “honored” Hart’s stand-ins and body doubles, which was comprised of a lineup of little people dressed in costumes from roles.
“Oh, this is live? OK, cool,” she said, as she got several minutes at the podium and couldn’t stop bursting out laughing. “Ain’t no Ozempic for being short and greasy,” she told Hart.
The second surprise appearance came from Teyana Taylor, who proceeded to read a letter of why she wouldn’t be able to make it tonight. She unfurled a ridiculously long page, noting she didn’t want to “throw off the balance of the dais” by adding a woman of her stature.
Pulling up a photo of the two of them at Halloween, featuring Hart dressed up as Murphy, she said, “You dressing up as an iconic, funny comedian is unbelievable. It’s disrespectful, it’s inappropriate — don’t ever do that again.”
Underwood kicked off her set with a warning to Gillis, saying it was a good thing the comic stopped at saying the term combining “white” with the N-word: “‘Cause had you said anything that sound ‘bigger, trigger,’ or anything that sound like N—-, you wouldn’t have made it out of motherfucking Inglewood alive. You don’t know where the fuck you are. You will respect us in this house; this is the fucking Forum, built by the Showtime Lakers.”
“And I want to thank Netflix and Kevin Hart for bringing us all together. Freedom of speech is alive today. It shows that we can all come together and crack jokes on each other and still respect each other,” she continued.
Going back to Gillis, she said, “You want to hit this Black pussy harder than you hit the windows at the Capitol on January 6 … cause you’re tired of fucking your sister, so you want to fuck a real sister.”
Of Hart, she said of their previous hookup: “He got stuck in my pussy, I tied a rope around his neck and pulled him out like a tampon … Fucking Kevin is a lot like watching his movies, the first five movies are OK and then you’re just waiting for it to be over.”
Concluding, she said, “We only roast who we love, and we love you,” leading to a well-earned standing O.
Next up was Regina Hall, who did an extended bit pretending she was receiving communications from Hart’s late mom Nancy. On the list of warnings from beyond the veil was advice not to go to Vegas, as well as a note that she misses Hart’s movies as they don’t get screened up in heaven (though his late absentee father is enjoying them in hell). Hall’s commitment to a deadpan, bewildered delivery was topped only by her gift — introducing Katt Williams.
Williams, who has long been feuding with Hart, began his surprise set with a comment about how little star power was present on stage, forcing Hart to phone up his enemies.
“I won an Emmy, but this will be my best acting tonight,” he said, adding that tonight “is my Riyadh Comedy Festival.”
“You’re going to hear some things tonight … they’re called punchlines,” he told Hart. Backing up when he infamously called Hart an industry plant, he said it was because, “I keep burying him and he keeps springing back up.”
Addressing when Hart lost out on hosting the Oscars when a homophobic tweet of his surfaced saying he would break a dollhouse over his son’s head if he were gay, Williams said it was “arguably the gayest way to abuse a child.”
He continued, “They tried to cancel him for being homophobic, and I don’t get it. I’m saying the guy who’s obsessed with shopping sprees and fitness; always surrounded by 10 dudes, and Chelsea Handler, an oiled-up half-Samoan bodybuilder, a vegan restaurant and bought yoga pants. You think that guy is homophobic? That guy is a fairy, bitch. That’s the gayest man I’ve ever met. You slay, queen.”
Mentioning Hart’s attendance at a Sean Combs party, Williams maintained that doesn’t mean he did anything wrong. Rather “the fact that he gets all quiet when you bring it up — that means he did something wrong.”
After Williams got his cheers, Hart made a point to say he’s “a fan first.” While the two have been at odds, he suggested they “put our beef behind us” on live television, shaking hands and sharing a hug.
(Later on in the night, during Hart’s rebuttal, the comic hit back at critics saying he can’t act, saying his truce with Williams was “some of the best fucking acting I’ve ever done in my career. I did not mean one word of what I said … Fuck Katt Williams.” Of his affiliations with P. Diddy, he said, “I went to one fucking party … Katt was at the same fucking party,” before taking shots at the comedian’s jail time and his physical altercation with a teenager. It was all in good fun though, as Hart concluded that Williams “showed the fuck out” and “I meant what the fuck I said: That beef is over.”)
Compton icons and star athletes Venus and Serena Williams surprised the audience next, saying they love Hart; “As you know, in tennis, love meanings nothing,” they delivered, before introducing The Rock, who aptly walked out to Queen’s “We Will Rock You.”
“Finally, daddy is home,” the wrestler-turned-actor said, coming up to the stage from the audience amid a laser show. He quickly dispelled rumors of being there to “carry another shitty Kevin Hart vehicle,” stating he was actually there to chew up his collaborator’s food for him.
Like Brady, he singled out Parrish for looking sexy, saying “she deserves an Academy Award for pretending she likes to fuck you.” Handler joined in on the joke, as Dwayne Johnson noted that he and his wife “will let you watch like we always do … in your cuck chair.”
After showing a picture of his father, Rocky Johnson, next to a less-than-flattering image of Hart’s, followed by the latter’s mugshot, his Jumanji co-star said, “Just like your dad, it’s wild how much you need the Rock.”
Taking their avowed bromance to a new level, Johnson tried to talk Hart into sitting on his knee as they toasted their drinks. While the audience cheered it on, Hart wouldn’t budge. The Rock then opened up his shirt, saying, “My titties ain’t sucking themselves,” as Hart vehemently protested. “Now you don’t want to do it on live television,” the Rock concluded.
Of how to best honor Hart, Gillis could think of no better way “than taking a paycheck and pretending we’re having fun.” And though Hart’s father wasn’t around because he was addicted to cocaine, at least that reasoning was “a lot more respectable than not being there for your kids because you’re filming fucking Jumanji 3.” Hart is a “once in a lifetime talent,” Gillis concluded, “unfortunately, that lifetime is ours.”
SNL alum Davidson took some jabs at Gillis, saying he looks like he “got CTE playing fantasy football.” Of being fired the Lorne Michaels late-nighter, he said, “Do you know how hard that is? I tried for eight years, and I couldn’t do it.” He had even harsher words for Hinchcliffe, saying, “Tony reminds him of Charlie Kirk, in that he’s definitely been on camera letting a guy unload on his throat. Kill Tony. Please, someone please fucking kill Tony. Tony, nothing you say tonight will hurt my feelings. I was in a beef with Kanye, so I’ve taken shots from better gay Nazis.” Of his and Hart’s shared history with the Riyadh Comedy Festival, he noted, “The difference is, Kevin went to Saudi Arabia for a day’s work, while I’ve been owed that money since I was seven.”
And finally, despite a truly distasteful George Floyd joke and several other eye-popping moments, including a fake-out where he pretended to almost say the N-word, Hinchcliffe’s “Kevin has so few Black friends that he started a vegan fast food chain and nobody stopped him. His vegan restaurant is like his movies, because you don’t have to go to know it fucking sucks” was solid.
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