The most striking part of these conversations was not that Gulf citizens are angry at Iran for attacking them. It was how little appetite there was to blame Israel or the US for starting the war. There’s a tendency when analyzing conflicts to search for a grand strategy or ask who benefits, to understand the geopolitics and place a war in a historic narrative. But the people I spoke with were not focused on whether Israel, the US, or Iran emerged relatively stronger. They were worried about safety, schools closing, flights being disrupted, property values sinking, and businesses suffering. No one mentioned 4D chess.

I’ve long been flummoxed by the Gulf’s approach to Iran. Over my 16 years living in the region — in Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the UAE — everywhere I looked there was some form of outreach. Trade and finance ties through Dubai, improving relations with Qatar, and a Chinese-brokered diplomatic breakthrough with Saudi Arabia all happened even as Iran and its proxies murdered a Saudi-backed prime minister in Lebanon, kidnapped Qatari hunters in Iraq, armed the Houthis in Yemen, and backed Bashar al-Assad’s extermination of Syrians.

This dichotomy has been going on for decades. In 2008, even as Saudi King Abdullah was privately urging Washington to “cut off the head of the snake” and destroy Iran’s nuclear program, according to leaked US diplomatic cables, the kingdom’s then-Foreign Minister Prince Saud Al Faisal was hosting with his Iranian counterpart.

I had recently arrived in Riyadh with The Wall Street Journal, an early posting in the region. I asked Prince Saud whether the visit signaled a thaw with Tehran. He gave an unmemorable diplomatic answer. But later, one of his aides invited me to see him privately. Prince Saud — patiently and graciously — explained that Saudi Arabia had no choice but to operate within a fragile regional order, filled with failed states, militias, terrorist groups, US and Israeli interventions, and an expansionist Iran. He told me that talking to an adversary did not turn them into a friend, but engagement could reduce the chances of the worst outcome: war.

Now that the war is here, the space for pragmatism has receded. On Gulf television, social media, and in private conversations, there is a level of anger toward Iran that I have never seen before. Commentators say the regime must be confronted because Gulf citizens can’t live indefinitely under the threat of missiles, drones, and militias.

As Saudi columnist Faisal Abbas wrote for Semafor: “What this war has proven is that Iran’s hatred is directed mostly towards its Arab neighbors as opposed to Israel… Tehran has shown that it is focused on remaining in 1979, and not progressing with us to 2030.”

However this war ends, the Gulf is unlikely to return to the uneasy accommodation with Iran that defined the past several decades. And Gulf citizens aren’t going to forgive and forget.