It wouldn’t be Eurovision without a vaguely irresponsible bingo-based drinking game, so take a sip (or a fistful of Pringles, should you prefer) for any occurrence of the following:

• Mirrors

• Clothing reveals

• Fire

• Knee boots

• A dance break that arrives before the first chorus

• Someone lying dramatically on the floor

• Interpretive dance by men in mesh

• Artists who style their names entirely in capital letters, for no apparent reason

Please drink responsibly, pace yourselves, and remember: Eurovision is a marathon, not a sprint. Unlike Finland’s staging, which is very much a sprint.

How are we all celebrating this evening? As per time-honoured tradition, it’s just me in my pyjamas with a plateful of finger food and a sleeping labrador. I don’t drink much these days, but I might have a glass of Grüner Veltliner once the scoring begins. Please share in the comments, so I can live vicariously through your snack selection.

I’ve been in Vienna since Thursday and it has been Eurovision all the way. I went to a watch party on Thursday night for the second semi-final, where Antigoni’s Jalla for Cyprus really got the crowd excited. A few Brits tried to get a sing-a-long going for the chorus of Look Mum No Computer but the lack of enthusiasm in the room suggests Sam Battle might have a hard time with the public vote.

On Friday I went on a behind-the-scenes tour at the venue, and really if you’ve never been to Eurovision before the scale of it is just incredible. I saw all the props lined up ready for the changeovers – they only have 42 seconds between acts to reset the stage – and got to sit down on in the couches in the green room.

As for the rest of tonight’s line-up, I am a big fan of Lithuania’s Klaus Nomi-esque look from Lion Ceccah, and Croatia’ tattooed ladies Lelek have something hauntingly medieval about them. Greece’s fun if irritating entry, Ferto, has a lovely little breakdown where it goes all 8-bit like it has been recorded on an old Nintendo GameBoy while Satoshi’s Viva, Moldova! is an energetic bop that will liven up the show without coming anywhere near winning.

Evening all, and welcome to this year’s Eurovision song contest grand final liveblog! After five years working backstage at actual Eurovision, I am BACK on my liveblog sofa to guide you through tonight’s Viennese whirlwind of glitter, drama and pyrotechnics.

And as an added bonus, your usual host Martin Belam is inside the Wiener Stadthalle watching tonight’s show live, bringing us invaluable sparkly-boots-on-the-ground insight into what’s actually going big in the arena, as opposed to what Eurofans are angrily typing in all caps online.

Are you ready? Kick-off is at 9pm, so grab snacks, drinks and any emotional support sequins you may need, and strap in for a long but hopefully joyful night of Eurovision nonsense.

Yaaaaas Eurofans. We are SO back.