Gus Atkinson flattened... Matt Henry’s middle stump. Lord’s witnesses England’s first Test win since the crapshoot in Melbourne just after Christmas. Is this another reset? Maybe, maybe not. There’s a nagging feeling it is more a re-emphasis of the end. The following day the text comes though, Stokes and Atkinson, drinks taken, curfew broken, punches thrown. Shock, confusion, despair. Both men dropped. Investigation pending. Cricket regulator, rugby players, Rex Rooms. Stokes sacked? Stokes retired? Stokes silent. Rob Key talks, Stokes not backed, prohibition mooted. Harry Brook as captain? After Wellington? Not likely. Joe Root digs his old blazer out of the garage. It’s crumpled but still fits. Of course it is Rooty, there’ll always be Rooty, won’t there? McCullum speaks, he’s worried about Ben. We all are. Come on. We can’t lose Stokes, over this? We still might lose Stokes over this. Ollie Robinson scan, Ollie Robinson out. Injured again. Bad luck or bad conditioning. Or both? Kane Williamson retires? Not now Kane! Well played Kane. A World Cup starts. Not that one. Edgbaston, are they… singing witches? Why not. A win and a Wyatt-Hodge ton. Distraction from the distraction. Then back. Jofra back, Matthew Fisher back. Debuts for Sonny Baker and Jordan Cox. Jamie Smith swaps his gloves for nappies. Debut for James Rew. Five changes, three debutants. New captain, old captain. 1-0. Remember? The Oval. Deep breath. On we go.

Welcome to the fever dream that is English cricket.

Welcome to the Guardian’s OBO. Play begins at 11am.

Wonder what we’ll talk about until then?