Born in Wallasey (now Merseyside) in 1960, Shirley Ballas is one of the most decorated ballroom and Latin dancers in the world. She became a three-time winner of the British Professional Latin Championship (Open to the World), before retiring from competitive dancing in 1996 to become a teacher and adjudicator. In 2017, she joined the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing as a judge. She lives in London with her mother, Audrey, who has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Ballas supports the Breathe Equal campaign with Sanofi, to raise awareness of COPD and address stigma and inequalities in care.

Shirley

My mother and I were on a cruise liner going around Hawaii. I’d saved up for a long time to take her away, and we had the most remarkable time together. The only downside was I was coming out of a relationship and kept whining about it. At breakfast one morning, I was crying, so she smacked me round the face. You bet your life I shut up after that. That’s old-school parenting, right there.

My parents divorced when I was two, so it was just my mum, myself and my brother in the house. Nobody had anything much on the estate, so there was a community and everyone helped out. As Mum worked a lot, my brother and I had to learn how to take care of ourselves – from a young age we were able to make a roast dinner, shop for the groceries and keep the house tidy. To this day, I like everything orderly and organised exactly the way Mum does.

I first fell in love with dance when I was seven and walking past a church hall – I heard some music, and peered in to see some people dancing the cha-cha-cha. I went home to tell my mother, who said: “OK, if you want to do it, you’ll take the classes.” She was a little bit worried it would cost a lot, with the shoes and dresses and competitions, but she worked multiple jobs so I was able to pursue it. As a result, I never once lost the clothes or the little red makeup case she bought me. Watching her operate as a single mother was a total inspiration – she taught me the harder you work, the more successful you are.

I left home when I was 14 to live with the parents of Nigel Tiffany, my first dance partner, whom I then got engaged to. Mum thought I’d be back after six weeks, but I lived with them until I was 16. Nigel’s mother had a phone with a lock on it, so I would pick it open to call Mum. She always gave me good advice, but I didn’t always listen. She told me: “Don’t get married.” I first got married at 18, to Sammy [Stopford, dancer], and then again at 22 to Corkey [Ballas, dancer]. Neither marriage lasted.

When Strictly came along, I was working as a dance coach, but I was being bullied. It’s a male-dominated industry and for 10 years, I was being mistreated by the men at the top. I was considering changing careers. How do I feel about the bullying now? It’s a dog-eat-dog world. I don’t get picked on so much any more because I have a profile. Plus, if I had been happy at the time, I might not have gone for Strictly, so it worked out well.

In 2022, my mum was diagnosed with COPD. I had absolutely no idea what that meant – but learned it was a group of lung conditions, including chronic bronchitis and emphysema, that cause the lungs to become damaged and patients to become breathless. I’ve seen my mum in a state where she’s coughing so much she is choking. Mum’s stubborn with it – she doesn’t use an inhaler and she still smokes. She’ll be 90 next year and says: “Don’t tell me what to eat and don’t tell me I can’t have my cigarettes.” Her condition will never get better, but she still looks the picture of health. And she’s in remission from cancer. She gets up every morning and I’ll say: “How are you, Mum?” She’ll reply: “I’m still breathing.”

I couldn’t imagine life without my mother. She keeps reminding me that she’s no spring chicken – it makes me upset, but it doesn’t stop her from planning her funeral. She’s always talking about what music she wants – Knees Up Mother Brown – and she doesn’t want anyone there to buy their own drinks.

We’ve lived together on and off for most of our lives. I love when I come home after filming Strictly on a Saturday, and she is waiting for me in her pink little dressing gown. I can tell by her face if she agrees with my comments or not. She’ll make me a cup of tea, then let me know the verdict.

As much as my mum is strict and brutally honest, she’s my rock – the person who helped take care of my son so I could keep working; the woman who made me who I am. She sacrificed a lot for my dance career, and I hope I’ve made her proud. She’s never been one for compliments, but – I’ll never forget this – she did once tell me: “I guess I backed the right horse.”

Audrey

I had a very nice time on holiday. We brought a friend along, and she and I went to the bar every night, but Shirley would be in her cabin crying. She was crying at dinner, crying at breakfast. It just got old, so I thought: what if I just smack her?

When Shirley was a baby she was always crying. She wasn’t a good traveller and she didn’t like her pram. I’d have to get off the bus halfway home as she’d get sick. As she got older, she became very conscientious – even as a little girl at school she wanted to be the best. For her eighth birthday we had a singing competition and I picked her friend Susan Barrow as the winner. Shirley had a tantrum like you wouldn’t believe. I remember a teacher at school sent a school report back home once saying, ‘‘Your daughter cannot accept criticism.” They’d spelled criticism wrong, so I wrote back and said: ‘‘You’d do well to spell it correctly.’’

Dancing wasn’t really my thing. I used to jive, and I went to the dance halls. But it was only social. So that Shirley could dance, I worked some extra jobs – mostly bar work, nightclubs and cabarets. I did babysitting and for a while I even drove a forklift truck.

I brought up my children without their father, but I didn’t mind. In fact, I was thrilled when I got divorced. Most people would be crying. But I just got on with it, and I was happy – I could make my own decisions and didn’t have to compromise. Similarly, when I got the diagnosis of COPD, I thought: it’s fine. I’ll survive. I have kept smoking. You’re only here once, so you may as well do what makes you happy.

Sometimes I go along to fancy events with Shirley. But it’s just not my thing; I like my own company. When she goes to work, I do the washing, ironing and organising and she cooks. She gets her work ethic from me, I don’t sit down a lot, either, unless I am watching Coronation Street. We also both like cleaning and have the same sense of humour. We are always on time.

How would I describe my daughter? Headstrong, and a busy bee. I’m very proud of her. Very proud indeed.