The prosecution: Deirdre

What gets to me is that whenever I get the mop out, instead of helping, Martin criticises me

My husband of five years, Martin, and I have different views on how to best keep our floors clean.

We have a cat and a dog so naturally the floors get dirty. There’s hair, dust and whatever gets walked in from outside. Vacuuming helps, but it doesn’t actually clean the floor – it just removes the visible bits. At some point, you need to wash the floor with a mop.

I mop once a week. I don’t enjoy it, but I watched my mother do it every week growing up and it feels like a basic point of hygiene. What frustrates me is that Martin treats this like an optional extra, or something silly that doesn’t work. We split chores and he does the cooking, but mopping has somehow become a running joke, because he’s decided it doesn’t work.

His main argument is that mopping just spreads dirty water around. Sure, if you do it badly – if you don’t wring the mop or replace the water regularly – it can be inefficient, but that’s not what I’m doing. I wring out the mop, I go over the floor evenly, and it makes such a difference.

We have sparkling floors, which I love – even if it’s only for 10 minutes because of the animals.

What really gets to me is that whenever I get the mop out, instead of helping, Martin criticises me. He explains why it’s ineffective or how it should be done differently, but he won’t do it himself. When he did, he tipped a whole bucket of water on the floor and mopped it up, saying that was more efficient. But he just made a mess.

He says vacuuming is enough. I’ve suggested we invest in a fancy bucket that keeps the clean and dirty water separate, but he says he doesn’t want to get involved. The thing is, he does get involved – from the sofa.

Don’t dismiss the entire chore if you can’t do it yourself. This isn’t about loving or hating mopping. It’s about basic cleanliness and doing a job that has to be done. People have been mopping like I do for centuries. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think we should both do some mopping, and if Martin doesn’t want to, the least he could do is let me mop in peace.

The defence: Martin

The way most people mop is inefficient. It isn’t cleaning – it’s just redistributing the dirt

I’m not against cleaning. I vacuum regularly, I keep things tidy, and I do all the cooking in our home. I don’t think our flat is ever dirty.

The issue isn’t whether we clean the floors, it’s whether the way we’re cleaning them makes sense. In theory, mopping can be a good way to clean – but only when it’s done properly.

My concern is that, most of the time, what people call mopping is just moving the same bucket of increasingly dirty water around the floor. You dip the mop in, wring it out, wipe a section, then go back into the same water, which is what Deirdre does. How is that cleaning?

You should empty the water every time before you put the mop back in, or have two separate buckets, which isn’t how Deirdre does it. I suggested tipping all the clean soapy water on the floor first, then mopping it up, and I was called “ridiculous”. So I said, “Fine, I’ll bow out of this conversation as my contributions aren’t wanted.”

I just want us to engage our brains: the normal way of mopping, which – yes – people have done for centuries, is inefficient. Why does everyone just accept it as normal? At a certain point, you’re not cleaning any more, you’re just redistributing the dirt.

Deirdre said I should buy a fancy bucket for us to use that has a system that separates clean and dirty water, which would mean we’re not changing the water throughout the process.

I don’t want to get involved. It’s not a protest: I would support her decision to buy a new mop if it’s a good one, but I want to focus my efforts on other tasks. Again, I don’t want to be seen as housework-shy, but if she wants to upgrade the mop, I don’t think I should be involved.

I am a vacuuming man. It’s efficient and straightforward. Using a dustpan and brush is level one, vacuuming is level two. Mopping is level three if it’s done right, but the way Deirdre does it surely spreads more germs. I’m not refusing to contribute to cleaning; I’m questioning whether this specific task, done this way, is necessary.

The jury of Guardian readers

Martin’s weird aversion to mopping, which is the most effective way to clean a hard floor, doesn’t seem to be based on experience or evidence. Unlike Deirdre, he isn’t prepared to compromise and he isn’t listening to her. What a nightmare it must be having him wanging on from the sofa while she’s doing the work. I’d like to throw a bucket of water over him.
Caro, 61

Martin refusing to mop the floor just because he doesn’t like Deirdre’s (very normal) method is childish. It’s a basic household task that should be shared, and if he is so fussy about how it’s done, he should lead the charge in buying a bucket that fits his exacting standards.
Sarah, 30

Does Martin drain the sink for each individual item of washing up, too? He seems more interesting in objecting than in solving the problem at hand. When Deirdre suggested a fancy mop and bucket that would fit his requirements, he said he was not against it but still dismissed it. Martin can weigh in when he starts mopping himself.
Molly, 26

Martin says he’ll bow out of the conversation, but it sounds like he can’t resist giving notes every time Deirdre mops. It must be extremely annoying. As long as you change the water regularly, mopping makes your floor look and smell cleaner than vacuuming alone.
Cath, 46

Martin is being pedantic and it’s not helpful – it’s just nitpicky! Mopping gets rid of tough stains, whether he thinks it’s good enough or not.
Olivia, 21

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Martin shut up and mop up?

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Last week’s results

We asked whether Lucinda stop leaving the windows and doors open

80% of you said yes – Lucinda is guilty

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